Monday, 31 August 2009
i guess sometimes some things are just not within our control. i think about what ive been doing with my life and hey, i realised ive done some things wrong, some things right, and some things outstanding.
i read some things on facebook, was jumping from one profile to another. and hey, there th past was. retardedly horrible pictures, funny pictures, and well, beautiful pictures.
some things read "trying so hard to place th jigsaw pieces together, only to realise they will never fit."
some read "it's up to your heart to decide how you want to suit into your environment, not your environment to decide how you should fit in."
things like "th strongest hand that pulls you up is th hand which pushes you down th hardest."
the happiest person doesnt have th best of everything. they make th best out of everything they have. i am happy because of th people around me, and th love i get. and when i fall, it's when either falls.
when i think back of some of my darkest periods of time in my life, i try my very best to understand what i did wrong, where did things go wrong, why did things go wrong. but i somehow find myself stuck in th memories of recent and only bits and pieces of before. i guess th things that impact me most are th things that happen only after ive learnt my lesson.
im glad i got a brother like winston,
im glad i got such great parents,
im glad i got such nice people around me like darren and most of my classmates,
im glad i was in venture era,
and im glad i went to jc.
because it's at these 2 places that i chose to stay at, that i found th best people i ever knew, and i learnt th best lessons ever.
huifang is still learning. end of semester 1 in poly is just a stepping stone.
i told myself,
i want to get into banking and finance for year 2,
i want to land myself an attachment slot in a big and reputable company,
i want to graduate from poly with a merit diploma,
i want to enter smu to study business,
i want to come out to th society after graduating with a good degree,
i want to get a job, get a good boyfriend, drive a flashy sports car,
marry a good husband, settle down and keep up a good career without my family ever having to worry about any problems to do with money..
it all starts now. but well, so easy to say, so tough to do.
today i told my mom. im gonna secretly keep some money aside each month, to start saving up for my future. cos i want my future to have a good start.
i am determined on what i want. are you with me? if you are, we'll fight together. otherwise, im sorry, im making a move first.
i doubt anyone was meant to read this, but anyway, for my own viewing purpose maybe,
http://mysterio-miss.livejournal.com/1662.html
i told of my glory at 11:44 pm
it's all rubbish.
i want to get an A but i dont want to study hard.
i want to get top but im lazy to work hard for it.
i still cant get over my exgirlfriend but that girl there is so damn hot i want to take her home.
how i wish i have everything i want, but im lazy to do too many things.
i honour myself with value, but i am willing to do anything for money.
sound like some rubbish people right? but they happen.
thank goodness most of th close ones around me are still sane.
"i earn my money with dignity, not dirty money." as what winston said. how true.
i told of my glory at 1:26 am
Sunday, 30 August 2009
without a laptop, my life th past few days has still been great :D cos i havent been cut off with th internet thanks to my bro who's been helping me :D :D :D
badminton with th girls, badminton with some class guys and girls, driving and buying a new laptop, thats how life is yo :D
went to simlim sq with winston in th morning to shop for my laptop and apparently, i was actually deciding between toshiba and fujitsu haha. okay fine, im just -ve of compaq. but well, i love my fujitsu. a limited edition colour for that model yo :D it's a chio blue blue with black interior. wheeeeee~
had f1 briefing/ training ytd at f1 pit building. my f1 job sounds darn cool yo :D but then again, i feel like im alone there no doubt how friendly th people get. maybe cos im too dependent on some people around me. lol. and well, im still nuah-ing th rest of my holidays either watching movies on my laptop or playing badminton. lol.
and thanks to winston that my facebook restaurant looks so so so so chio, pretty, chio, pretty. wheeeeee! :D
dont be jealous of huifang having this splendid and marvelous brother who has done so so so much for her and shows so much love love for herrrrrrr :D cos huifang is happyyyyy wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D
youre not alone, im right here.
ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.
i told of my glory at 9:32 pm
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
lappy spoilt and huifang is very sad. it has been unable to start up since yesterday night but i refused to believe that it's spoilt. today, winston officially pronounced it dead ):
i feel so pathetic that i have to blog using winston' laptop.
meh meh. ):
should i wait for IT show or shuold i go sim lim tmr?
i told of my glory at 9:53 am
Monday, 24 August 2009
huifang still smiling like some crazy girl to herself today :D
woke up early in th morning and went to clean out one kind of dirty thingy off the dirty thingy. HAHA. brother like some housewife washing th washable parts in th toilet xD LOL!
ob paper was alright today. i think i missed out alot of standard elaborations, but aiyah, makes sense can alr la huh :D and well, i guess it was an okay paper :DDD
oh well, tmr's th last paper, business accounting. but well, no feeling one. LOL. dont know if is complacent or give up hope HAHA. :/
i missed out smth yesterday. bro, youre right, this is th sweeeeetest thing anyone has ever done for me :D
i told of my glory at 11:27 pm
my day was great, unforgettable, remarkable, loved. theres no other substitute for it. (:
1. wenliang and erika were so adorable to prepare a cute little cake for me. :D
2. met up with jintian, zihui, and ernest in th evening/ night.
3. all thanks to winston that no. 2 took place. and he accompanied me for th whole day :D
my day, was so so so great. that it ended on such a happy note i was smiling on th way home WAHAHAH!
met winston in th morning to go for th forex thingy course. actually was to go for th invest fest but in th end we got closed to go attend this forex thingy by kishore. cool dude yo. his session was actually extraordinarily interesting telling us th basics of forex and such :D then we went to marina square for lunch before going over to erika's place for studyyyyyyyyyyy!
waited outside erika's house for like 5 minutes before she opened door! RAWR! in th end, when i went into her room, there a cake was, beside the PIKACHU :D (i like pikachu and i always bully her pikachu) was so paiseh over it. haha. cos i really didnt expect them to have a mini celebration for me. haha. and wenliang actually cut th starfruit to decorate it :D then left erika's place at like 6 plus. stupid winston was nagging at me to hurry up and i didnt know why. and th whole day, he was busy sms-ing and taking calls. meh meh.
so after meeting ernest at outside seoul garden, we went in. and WOW, i was expecting like jintian to be inside, but turned out to be zihui! WOOHOO! :D just saw her yesterday! haha. i was pretty sad that it wasnt jintian cos i miss herrrrr ): but well, dinner with th 3 of them was great too :D then after dinner at arnd 8 plus, winston was running to th toilet. idk why also, until after that, zihui brought me to th open plaza to meet him and ernest. and well, i wasnt really that sure on what to expect, cos i believed ernest when he said we were gonna just chill out there. but in th end, i saw a lady's bag, darn familiar, and jintian walked out from behind th stage. OH MY FREAK! I BROKE OUT IN TEARS OF JOY SEEING HER AND HOLDING A CAKE IN HER HAND. haha. apparently, she had been waiting there ever since 6pm! and winston says he didnt expect me to cry. but then again, it was such a great surprise :D well, and we ate th cake, and so funny jintian actually got a tomato on hers. LOL. i ate strawberry and grape :D whee~ then we did alot of weird things like play with an inflated condom. what the freakkkkkkk! my virgin contact with a condom is under such unique circumstances wor :D haha! all thanks to ernest. and th condom still had lube. wtf. i was like URGHHHHH!!!! and we played with it like how kids would play with a balloon. interesting :D then we went to arcade and did some really unglam stuff like playing DDR and para para. LOL. oh well, unglam once in awhile okay lah :D whee~
and i received my presents from them. winston and jintian bought me versace bright crystal perfume :D LOVE YEA! and ernest made me chocolates :D wahahah. my parents were like WOHHH~ haha. and th 4 of them shared th seoul garden dinner and cake for meeeeeeeee :D LOVE~
oh yea, winston damn asshole also. haha. when we went to marina square today he said he wanna go sasa. then he asked me to show him th perfume i wanted. apparently he wanted to act dumb, to ensure that i wouldnt think id be expecting something like that for my present. haha. and he purposely wanted to go marina square just for that purpose. tsk tsk.
so yea, i guess winston has succeeded in his plan. he seems pretty happy about it too. cos huifang couldnt stop smiling like an idiot on th bus just now :D i was so happy, so so happy over everything today. and especially all that winston has taken great efforts to plan for me, inviting th others, and getting th present, wrapping it up so nicely, and well, for everything.
i really really appreciate that ive got such great people around me, especially winston who actually planned this whole day so well and accompanied me for th whole day. for that, WINSTON, despite all th unpleasant things that have happened, im glad "sibling-ship" is still going strong and i still feel like how it's like how it is when i first met youuuuuu.
IM SO GLAD I GOT YOU AS MY BROTHER! LOVE! :D
never in my whole life, no matter how close th people, have i ever had a full day birthday fool-proof enjoyment planned by one person like that. i cant believe i actually got such an unexpected 19 birthday.
yes, huifang is finally 19. blogger dont let me post pictures ): so pictures on facebook yea :D
OB EXAM TMR AH!
i told of my glory at 12:31 am
Sunday, 23 August 2009
simon was th first,
winston is th second (sadly!),
shaun is th third,
darren is th fourth,
afiqah is th fifth,
zihui is th sixth,
abi is th seventh,
wenliang is th eigth,
eileen is th ninth,
stanley is th tenth,
yifang is th eleventh,
haseenah is th twelfth,
zaxe is th thirteenth,
jeanette is th fourteenth,
regina is th fifteenth,
wendy is th sixteenth,
ebrahim is th seventeenth,
yuenchai is th eighteenth,
huimiao is th nineteenth,
and th list goes on :D
i'll stop at no. 19 :D
thanks guys, for your birthday wishes, esp simon and winston, both at 12am. but winston was a few seconds later lol! (:
HUIFANG FEELS TH LOVE YEAA.
i told of my glory at 12:03 am
Saturday, 22 August 2009
studyyyyyyyy ): meh meh. studying makes me a very evil person lo haha. but then again, when was i never evil. HAHA. no, im NICE :D whee~ study today was okay lah, made me -ve only. cos i cannot rmbr chapter 7-12 some things lo ): mehh~
went to meet zihui in th evening for dinner (: then went to office to get my lovely emo-face panda from zihui's locker :D finally!! i super misssssss this emo-face okay :D
maybe tmr will be a better day than i thought it'd be (:
oh well. :/
i told of my glory at 11:13 pm
sometimes some things are generally not too much to ask for,
but under different circumstances, it's almost impossible to ask for it.
haha. when winston told me past midnight that "tmr is your birthday alr lei".
it's weird how i dont feel th thrill like how i felt th past 18 years.
all i ask for is just a special day with th close ones..
but firstly, i shall finish up ob today. i can and i will. (:
i told of my glory at 10:47 am
Friday, 21 August 2009
today's macroecons paper was more than disappointment. it was totally breathtakingly tough that i couldnt breathe during th paper. literally. lol. and well, i definitely cannot get an A for that paper alr. MCQ confirm lost 3 marks, section B confirm already lost 11 marks. and i realised i got my AD formulas wrong. used it like, 3 or 4 times across th paper. so thats more marks gone. im just worried this will pull down my whole average and end up for sem 1 my econs is a B+. i might just kill someone if th grades for this end of sem paper are not moderated such that i get an A. hais ):
studying today wasnt really productive. cos everyone was half dead after th paper, feeling tired, negative. but well, my mindset is strong (: and so are theirs. we know we'll just leave econs as done and well, move on to conquering OB, to getting an A ;D
wl and erika agreed that im hard outside yet soft inside. meh meh. there was a loud thunder today and i screamed -.- eh, no warning, no prelude, nothing. of cos scared right? zz. but well, i told wl before, that it's a matter of whether your mind is stronger than your body, or is your body stronger than your mind.
i have decided that i will let reality filter things to conquer with my mind, like results and problems. but i will let my heart decide filter which things to accept fright to.
im just human, i am a human.
though im glad that at least i got a desired answer and assurance, i will understand if no matter how good things get they will never be th same somehow. like what jintian told me on that specific day itself, that how things can never never ever be th same again, i can fear, i can detest, but i dont have a choice.
we all make mistakes in life. what matters is that, we know what we never ought to do again. assumptions kill feelings. everyone's assumptions towards this matter wasnt what coincided with reality. see, perception. sometimes, its true, that the one who created human gave human only one mouth, but two ears. and we ought to listen more than we comment.
i was talking to wenliang and erika today, about things like future, like mindset, and all. and i guess, im glad ive th two of them. cos some people have minds who are beyond their age, while others have minds which arent even of their age.
and well, i realised that in terms of dealing with one same matter, there are so many ways of dealing it. her reason for not telling me all these was because she was afraid it would do more harm to me. i guess i canot blame her, because she didnt know im someone who can change my thinking to suit th situation/ environment. i guess it was just one experience that i never can get over. (:
case closed :D
my life 一直在等待
空荡的口袋
想在里面放 一份爱
why 总是被打败
真的好无奈
其实我 实实在在
不管帅不帅
想要找回来 自己的节拍
所以这一次
我要勇敢 大声说出来
期待 期待你发现我的爱
无所不在 我自然而然的关怀
你的存在 心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱
我猜 你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯 越靠近越明白
不要走开
幸福的开始 就是放手去爱
i told of my glory at 11:00 pm
Thursday, 20 August 2009
study was productive today. completed going through all th rest of th chapters with erika and wenliang. srsly, i really worry over how we'll fare considering that they forget what i just taught them yesterday. i find myself asking myself whats the consumption function and end up writing the savings function. yah, rubbish, i know. but i think my mind is full of content and rubbish now, thats why im like that.
driving was good today i guess. except i stalled, 2 times. lesson was good, went to a different test route today. mr teo said he's confident of my uturn alr, and said i did well, so 3/4 the lesson today, i was on th main road (: pretty fun. except i freaked out at somewhr along eunos link and zam-ed brake when i was supposed to uturn :/ and despite the stupid lorry driver horning out loud behind me, my teacher actually encouraged me patiently. im really glad i got this instructor sio. people always spread -ve about private. but no, huifang is really glad with private lessons cos teacher is nice enough to provide me with the timeslots i want most of th time. (:
today i found some things, that woke me up. from a dream? or has it all along been a nightmare. i dont know. having my fragile heart shattered twice in a day doesnt leave me rational. :/
i believe darren's nagging meant well, but somehow i just felt that having someone so harsh towards me was like.. i dont know.
and another issue was when i actually found out th full details of th things i never knew, i decided to give in to him for. today, when i read every single word that was typed to someone else, it was shock beyond what i ever felt before. to harden your heart, to not have any mention about me at a certain space, to not have a dejavu experience, talking about th same thing every night, it has to sink into her, leaving her be, let her cry, let her cry, let her cry.. never wanting to be too close to anyone again, "unless got special feeling." what a fucked up phrase.
it's not mutual. "do you like ______".
you stepped back, because you were far more immature than i thought you were, and you chose to deal with things this way. why bother how im taking things when you didnt bother solving th problem yourself?
i guess the thing about reacting and behaving under extreme conditions is true. when i see how extreme the change is in me during that period of after that, i was shocked myself.
i guess those tears worked wonders. they made me positive.
the best thing that i can have now? is some encouragement and acknowledgement. for me to know, im still a human in your eyes, not a thorn.
whether or not you see this, i never blamed you for anything that happened, though you told me nothing about it.
macroecons paper in less than 12 hours. i hope i do well.
i told of my glory at 10:49 pm
i used to think birthdays were unimportant cos celebrating it every year was boring sometimes, esp if i didnt get to enjoy it to the max.
i looked at th picture of my birthday cake last year which id taken using my handphone. i looked at it and said i was -ve, cos this was celebrated at a coffeeshop near office. lois had the heart to prepare that for me, but still, for a pampered kid like me, i was glad but sad nonetheless.
i forgot to whom i was complaining to, but the person looked at the cake and i was saying i only liked one part of th cake. th person said "th strawberries on top".
haa. i think it's such small things that make days enjoyable as they are. and birthday is a special day, where youre a kid all over again, and everyone is showering you with excessive love and care. especially for that one day. but sadly, all seems gone when one gets busy with studies or work.
last year, it was work.
this year, it is studies/ exams.
thanks poly life, take away the next three years of my birthdays by replacing them with exams.
i told erika this sunday id be studying with them for the monday OB paper.
how splendid. i guess im gonna pass my 19th birthday this way.
if i ever had one regret in my life, it was spending my 18th birthday unpurposefully.
others had birthday bashes, had clubbing sprees, had alcohol sprees, and doing things that they previously couldnt cos they werent of legal age.
me? i went home after the simple cake cutting at th coffeeshop. even other agents had their birthdays in th aircon training room. but i wasnt a manager, and i guess that was why i wasnt given that chance to.
regrets, they make you sad.
i told of my glory at 1:20 am
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
today is 97 days to my dearest brother's birthday. he keeps nagging at me every night, trying his best to be a little bit adorable by whining at me in a very unadorable fashion. but he still refuses to admit what is coming in 4 days time. sad hor?
study was productive today (: became a freelance tuition teacher for WL and erika. covered 6 chapters of econs today. oh well.
and i think this weekends, my days are gonna be gone to studies ): HAIS.
4 days, 4 days. i dont know why im feeling so negative about this. probably cos life is doing me justice by punishing me, not allowing me to celebrate my birthday on that day itself. HAIS. i also dont know what to think or plan already.
plus now, choosing my diploma is really giving me a very very bad headache.
banking and finance?
corporate comm and marketing?
marketing and hr?
or be a weirdo and choose finance and corporate comm?
fuck. suddenly, i think tp sucks. i chose tp without knowing what im getting myself into. diploma in business, majoring in banking & finance as 2 electives, feels so weak as compared to a diploma in banking & finance in nyp. plus, nyp has TEP, which tp doesnt..
for the sake of my future,
HOW?
on a sidenote, chevrolet cruze is quite pretty..
HAIS.
lets bury ourselves in our books to forget the presence of a special day, and the terror that awaits us after the next semester.. ):
i told of my glory at 11:05 pm
IT'S BEEN 7 MONTHS! ;D
WINSTON IS BEING STUPIIIIIIIIID AND IM DAMN ANNOYED ):
IT'S BEEN 2 MONTHS 13 DAYS!
I BET WINSTON DOESNT KNOW WHATS THIS THOUGH IT INVOLVES HIM!
IT'S IN 4 MORE DAYS!
BUT WINSTON IS TRYING TO IGNORE IT ):
i told of my glory at 12:01 am
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
a butterfly attacked me at winston's house today ):
must be an assassinator sent by winston!
stupid butterfly! rawr. just when i turned around it flew in my face and he laughed out loud ):
this dearest brother, was nuah-ing on his bed like a small kid crossing out days to his birthday. but this retarded kid cross out days of academic year. haha. OKAY LAH, this cute little boy okay :D
then went for driving. was good today (: no stalling at all yo. went out to main road first thing today :/ scary. went to check out test route. then drove to some unknown ulu pandan place yo :/ i didnt know whr i was. just followed instructor's instructions. haha. u turn was quite disasterous today. the 2nd u turn i did...... aww, i'll leave th details out. its too boring. HAHA :D
studied after that! woohoo! :DDD i finished OB alr! :D conquer the last chapters of econs tmrrrr! GO GO GO :D unlike darren lo, sleep sleep sleep, study whr also sleep liek some lazy bummmm :P still say it's my fault, im around thats why make him wanna sleep. CRAP!
brother had a stupid idea up his sleeve.
c'mon laaaaaaaa, im not such a horrible person. i dont bear grudges okay (:
no doubt you were kookoo enough to assume that i was so enthu for my license (which i really wasnt, until i started going for it cos you told me i should) meh meh.
if i would blame my brother and hate you for this issue,
youre not my brother man, if i choose to bear a grudge than have youuuuuuuu :D
whee! so feel guilty no more okay :D LOVE!
i told of my glory at 10:44 pm
Monday, 17 August 2009
i dont have the mood to blog.
everyone is unhappy about something in their life.
no one will ever have everlasting happiness unless we detach from the material things and desires in life.
class outing today to celebrate ebrahim's birthday. went to sgflyer. th girls were so excited we were almost running to the flyer. well, we had a great time enjoying th view. but i guess half an hour passed before we knew it, fast enough.
had dinner at popeyes and went to esplanade to take a stroll with them.
i think i kind of spoilt my own mood at th end of th day.
but im glad he didnt bother asking me why.
for once, im glad he stops trying to talk to me when i ignore him.
driving tmr, fuck that fucking license.
i told of my glory at 11:15 pm
sometimes we get tired of things going on around us.
they may be good people, they may be nice people. but sometimes, there are mismatches. people's personalities dont click.
nAch people cannot work with those who only want to give slipshod work.
nPow people cannot work with another nPow person in the group.
watch out, such case studies are being modified to suit different scenarios of similar learning points, similar bastard characters, and similar victims-of-circumstances.
how about tom being a bastard telling james that "your skills suck. you can only do 6 pullups" and in the end, what is shown is that tom can only do 2.
whats this scenario called? not knowing their own limits before commenting on others right. but why do i see this happening around me?
everyone wants a piece of that top bowler.
"i want your bowling ball!"
"i want the ground you walked on!"
"i want a hairstyle like yours!"
"do you want to join my sponsor?! youre top man!"
whats that, PLP people? why do that? to ride on his glory? to enjoy th benefits of being with him? whats this, really. it's just about being with the top bowler yes?
what the fuck. where does that leave others? c'mon, you arent even of his league yet youre trying so hard to fit in. probably he doesnt even want to look at you a second time, yet youre promoting yourself excessively to him.
not bad, you can consider a career as a sales promoter. youd do darn well, im sure.
funny how this earth works. funny how mankind is like that.
so untolerable sometimes that it irks perfect-wannabes.
teachers' pet? mugger? act-stupid smartass?
dont they just sound so pleasant to the ear you wanna hear more of them?
on a sidenote,
there are people who try too hard to be selfless.
who try not to be selfish.
but what you think is good for me, do you think im really happy?
have you ever wondered that everything was just a front?
one thing i can never ever forgive you for, until the day i pass license.
i wont forgive you for making me feel even worse upon knowing how you feel because im going for my license.
friendship is about give and take. it's not all about being selfless to satisfy another's happiness. it's about communication. theres a reason why some friendships move beyond others. it's because theres the communication that can bring two people further than others. lack of communication or thoughts? someone will eventually leave. someone will be sad. and both parties will be sad.
there are times why i wonder i can say so much,
yet do so little.
i guess im still your average teen, still learning, still experiencing, still trying to change for the better.
there are times when i look in your eyes
i see the love that we shared
i see the joy inside
but i didn't see the feelings you hide
and now you're saying goodbye
because your love has died
and all i can think about is you
the way you say you love me too
and everytime i close my eyes i see your face
my love can never be erased
and you can never be replaced, baby
baby girl
why don't you come back to me
why don't you love me anymore
baby girl
you know i still care for you
you know i will love you forevermore...(2x)
there are times
when i kiss you goodnight
i feel the love that we shared
i feel the joy inside
but i didn't feel what you tried to hide
and now you're saying goodbye
because your feeling has died
and all i can think about is you
the way you say you love me too
and everytime i close my eyes i see your face
my love can never be erased
and you can never be replaced, baby
baby girl
why don't you come back to me
why don't you love me anymore
baby girl
you know i still care for you
you know i will love you forevermore
and all i can think about is you
the way you say you love me too
and everytime i close my eyes i see your face
my love can never be erased
and you can never be replaced, baby
i told of my glory at 2:00 am
Sunday, 16 August 2009
some people enter our lives to make a difference, some people are just passerbys, some people are just there to make us lose our way, but some will never leave us.
it's interesting how some people can make me feel like a leader while some can make me feel like a loser.
in ve, one person below really made me feel really like a leader. no names mentioned, but till date, every single detail that happened remains so deeply etched in my mind. he didnt contribute much to me, but his sincerity overwhelmed me so much that i could barely breathe. even till the day he took a break cos his family was having such a tough time making ends meet, he never really left. i guess it wasnt just as simple as a friendship but there was a kind of unspeakable trust such that he'd turn to me whenever he had problems. whether it was with his family, financial, girl, studies.. but well, he really left ve the day someone told him he wasnt supposed to waste his time hovering between nowhere.
how someone made me feel like a loser? how that person gained my trust, and months after threw it on the floor and stepped on it like it was some detestable cockroach. just because he did something against his group's rules, and got discovered by someone of high ranking, he decided to engage in some deviant workplace behaviour by sabotaging that guy of high ranking by telling his leader that that guy himself broke rules by having a girlfriend- me.
thorough rubbish. i was only on pretty good terms and talked in office with that guy of high ranking. and he decided to sabotage based on that. thank goodness for how they finally cleared the air. and things were back to how they were cos this sinner was made to leave. but c'mon, i treated him like a brother, and this is what i got?
thats the reason why from then on i never could trust anyone. no matter how great a downline, how splendid a friend i made in ve, i never really knew how to trust.
but a friend came along and made a difference. no doubt i was a tad too skeptical from the start, but unknowingly i started opening myself up to someone whom i knew through too-scary a method. it was like some roller coaster ride which had a great twist in between and accelerated this friendship, along with another person who eventually left. i realised that the people i always hung out with were so much more immature than i thought.
did i grow up too much under this new influence?
did i learn alot of new things under this new influence?
i always told myself i shouldnt, because i knew that i couldnt afford being lied to again. there were always people out there who acted like friends but untimately they just wanted the benefits they could get from you. but i started to learn how to differentiate between who had genuine concern, and who hadnt.
it made me a person who started to rely on concern, maybe requiring a wee bit ore maintainence. but i knew how to protect myself against people who werent sincere.
so many people were passerbys in my life. im only turning 19. but i realised that there are so many people who are here to make me lose my direction, make me lose my way. there are people who strike you as a role model, as an object of envy, as an inspiration to think about your future and plan ahead.
sometimes, i still find myself wondering to those people whom ive yet to distinguish between friend or foe.
but have you ever trusted someone to the extent that you could trust them with your life? (:
have you found someone whom you know, would never leave no matter what comes your way?
3 more days,
i told of my glory at 12:11 pm
Friday, 14 August 2009
my day was pretty interesting (:
last ob lesson with miss tay today. im so gonna miss her (: she's like, a super patient and nice tutor who never loses her temper with my class. some of th girls hugged her today. but nah, im not that kind to do smth so mushy. the kind of admiration i have for my good teachers in poly hasnt got to that stage yet. :p
she gave us our ob reports grades and overall coursework results today. i wasnt there for th report grades. but from what von and erika told me, our group got 80 along with another group. the other two groups got 77. and we were th only group who lost marks due to lack of content page. so yea, we couldve gotten an even higher grade.
my overall was an A, along with 3 others in class. look out for that upcoming other 50%. ;D
pardon me for being so competitive. its just, my first end of sem exams.
i want to make it to th director's honour list this time round for every subsequent round.
because c'mon, i didnt put in so much effort for nothing at th end of th day. :D
and i only just found out today that my group was th only one in th class to get B for our comm skills report which we got back ytd. i guess i shouldnt complain about it and i guess neither of us in my group would (:
went to ikea after school today for lunch. some unpleasantness here and there. but i guess i can fall back on th reason of stress making me such a critical person. but c'mon, i enjoyed great company nevertheless (: jj, joel and yuen chai were darn funny :D and erika was as usual, forever that blur.
headed back to school to study. well, 4.30pm till like 7pm before darren became a distraction :D
haha! oh yea, plus a 20 min phonecall in between (: im glad i got bros who would be a stress-relief solution while im studying and cramming as much info into my brain as possible :/
and well, im glad for these people i have around me (:
received a few msgs from someone i thought didnt bother. kinda gave me a lil shock for a moment. but now i know i have another friend who cares (:
"i somehow know our fates are intertwined, because i didnt go through all that just to lose you. you came back in one whole piece, almost still perfect as before. it never should have happened. but what has happened has happened. there a reason why i chose to walk along this path despite the rainy weather, thunderstorm and tornadoes. because youre you.
youre special, to me.
thats why. (:
special. thats the word."
dont you think thats so special? :D
i told of my glory at 11:39 pm
Thursday, 13 August 2009
I GOT A B FOR MY COMM SKILLS GROUP REPORT. NEGATIVE ): NEGATIVE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE ): I GOT B FOR COMM SKILLS REPORT QUESTIONNAIRE. and that a total of 25% of my overall grade ): walaoooo. there goes comm skills down th gutter.
driving was funny. i stopped in the middle of the road today while attempting a right turn. but was great overall (: more lessons next week. instructor was pissed with one student of his and he was ranting away while i drove on lol. controlled gear on my own for awhile :D
whee~
something random though,
fuck you retarded bastards man. stop wasting my time on you all trying to solve your problems which dont concern me if youre not helping yourself.
projects are really over this time. had our last presentation today.
and it was,
alright.
i am very annoyed now. because i am cancelling the fucking genting trip.
okay, im feeling a wee bit better, cos i know someone is crazily stalking me. physically and mentally. this person even knows what im thinking.. :D cos today on th way home, i was listening to 'bad day' and thought suddenly of someone who usually sang online and entertains me. long time since this person did that. and today when i logged in, this person was singing viva la vida :D i like that song yo~
and now this person is singing some 'vegetable song'. kinda retarded i know, and he just zao-xia ed.
and he skipped one important step ):
stupid winston ):
i told of my glory at 11:45 pm
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
SUGAR RUSH!
because of the chocolate browniesssss (:
today morning i started off on the wrong foot ): meh~ i took a cab to school, to rush there for comm skills lessons. and my stupid cab fare took $18 plus. blardie driver cut through cte when he could have done a u-turn outside my house -.- f*ck. in the end the stupid erp gantry cost me $2. bastard driver. then attitude me when the route i told him to go by had a jam. but ASS YOU man, the expressways wouldve been jammed too. i was offering a shorter route good for me and you alr lo. ASS!
went to school late still. cos of the jam. FARK~
got back csa results after that. i got an A for excel (: i hope i wont get complacent cos of my As flooding me for now. i just got an A for my econs despite a B+ for my project. but c'mon, accounts, comm skills and econs are just 40% of overall grades. if i scew up end of sems, im still dead. haha. would render my previous As all useless. wellllll~
went to th uncle's house today to collect th FA. walao. that day i just clean till swee swee~ clean clean~ nice nice~ and then today? OILY, SMELLY, oily, smelly, YUCK! ): took 854 down to office, met mr mengwee~ haha! he disturb disturb and bully meeeeeeeee ): lol! but i havent seen him for so long that i miss himmmmmmmmmm :D
saw mr steve also while i was waiting for bus outside office :D he walked past behind me and poked meeeee. and when i turned around to see who it was, he turned around and smiled! WOOHOO! my idol yo! :D wahahah. and he walked into the building pushing open both sides of the door. stylo yo :D
then after that went to collect my brownies from winston (: WHEE~ nice nice brownies! th triple chocolate one made me super sugar rushhhh!! OMG~ and my mom and dad said its nice too :D but chey, also not winston bake one. LOL! but okay lah, trust his taste in foooooooood :D whee~
a tad too sweet, BUT HUIFANG LIKES ;D
and winston is nice enough to walk with me to the other bus stop whr i could take a bus home :DDD
see, i have a damn niceeeeee brother. (: BET YOU DONT HAVE! :D NYAHAHAHAH!
i told of my glory at 10:45 pm
today was a nice dayyyyy (: seeing people i love love and seeing grades i love love!
i found out that ive got an A for my 40% of semester results for accounts. 40% only, but at least its encouraging! end of sem exam's 60% will be scary though!
and then i went to meet winston and jintian after school at like, 3 plus :D
went to watch UP! and it was a hilarious show i swearrrrr. darn nice! but not worth a 3D movie i think. cos nothing much special about it being 3D LOL :/ I LIKE THE BIRDDD ;D SO COLOURFULLLLL and CUTEEEE!
then we went to fish & co. for dinner. my treat from my paycheque (:
and blardie hell they gave lousy service. then after i show attitude and start to kb then they started to be extra nice. weird shitsxz. rawrr. but we had a good and interesting talk over dinner (: kinda glad that such a brother and sister and i would be still this way even though we'd not met for close to a month (:
after that i was saying i wanted to go arcade and well, we went there to have fun. play daytona, retarded games, tryout jukebeat thingy which was DAMN cool and winston actually failed a level 4 stage LOL!
took really alot of INTERESTING photos too. im so gonna tag tag tag when jintian uploads them on fb :D
i think theres as many retarded photos of jintian as there is to unglam photos. cos i think jintian and winston have a problem with me being cute and they keep taking candid unglam unprepared shots of meeee! X.x
am darn tired now! (: im glad for this meetup today. loads of fun, lame shitsxz, randomness, craziness, camwhoring etc.
and they actually accused me of being a bimbo! DAMN ITTTTT ):
but im happpyyyyyyyy (: (: (:
next outing next month would be ICE SKATING! ;DDD
but i guess, before that, i'll definitely have a chance to meetup with them again (: right? :D
SPECIAL DAY! :D
i told of my glory at 12:25 am
Monday, 10 August 2009
some people just cant be bothered,
and they just cant take pride in their work.
weird why even choose to study.
theyre not even using their brains properly.
tuesday tmr :D
have been looking forward to tmr since forever. HAHA! (: (: (:
i miss vasco! :D
i told of my glory at 9:54 pm
today.. met up with th old 4e6 clique. plans was to send glenn off to th airport but i didnt go, cos i was darn tired after the movie :/ we went to watch the hangover. darn retarded show but it's so funny. boring at some points, but still a pretty okay show..
im so tired now, yet somethings can still make me so so so annoyed.
like people like THIS
and a high-maintenance, materialistic, and doesnt know how to stop damaging male egos girl.
is such a hopeless case.
i told of my glory at 12:40 am
Sunday, 9 August 2009
i cant believe watching marley and me made me cry like ...... ___ ... =.= i dont think i'll be able to take the loss of a dog in future. :x
ahh, silas msged me about fireworks tonight. but i cant go cos i alr got th plans w 4e6 clique :/ lol.
i told of my glory at 12:46 pm
Saturday, 8 August 2009
i feel +ve, i feel +ve, i feel -ve, and i feel +ve.
+ve no. 1: comm skills test was pretty good today (: wrote up till the last minute. cos when miss sherrie said stop writing, i just continued haha! then i finally managed to finish it up. phew!!~
+ve no. 2: went to meet customer today with darren. haha. went all th way to yishun but th bus ride was cool yo :D longggg expressway ride (: and it was damn fun servicing fresh air! i took like 30 minutes plus but it worked out darn well :D wet tissue damn useful HAHA! and walao, i came out of the house smelling like smoke cos the uncle smoked like 8 sticks in that period of time i was in there. wow, he's like some train lah, smoke non-stop. LOL. but it was funnnnn (: 25 bucks easily earned (:
my first successful FA service!
-ve no. 1: my cousin no. 1 got an ahbeng car, my cousin no. 2 got an ahlian 2nd hand car. my cousin no. 1 has red car plate, and his car damn beng with spoiler and all. :/ not my type. cousin no. 2 has an ahlian-looking hotpink with black bonnet car which she cant even park even thogh it's just a normal honda -.- lol. another not my type kinda thing.
now all the families at my mom's side have car. the 2 cousins younger than me, their dad (my uncle) has a car. so now, my family is waiting for me liao. mehh~
+ve no. 3: my mom said "dont learn from cousin 2 who share share buy this car with ppl. when you get license, go rent car if you want drive. i rather pay that for you than buy a new car give you drive immediately cos you new driver sure anyhow bang one. then if you really want then see how maybe buy a 2nd hand car. next time drive a few years liao then buy new car drive"
wow, damn +ve.
youngest cousin has a DSLR. i want ): damn chio and damn cool.
and im damn full ): carls junior with classmates and darren for lunch. lucky i shared with darren sia. i see xinyan eat i wanna faint. she ate the thick burger all on her own. then poor wenliang had to eat a meal on his own too cos everyone else got a partner to share with. haha. :/ crazy girl lah she lol! somemore she was damn happy after the meal. i think i rmbr someone eating the thick burger till he was damn full lol. and c'mon, she's a girl man! LOL. cool shitsxz. then went to find amelia with darren before going over to the customer's place. and well, thats my day yo :D
tmr going to noel's place! feels like i havent seen them in a long time though the last time i met them was like, june?
and ahhhh im looking forward to tuesday cos i havent seen winston in more than a monthhhhh~ and havent seen jintian for like, 2 weeks?! LOL.
tmr theres HOR outing at ecp. upline told me about it. but i doubt i'll be going :/ lol.
and i havent finished servicing that customer! argh. cos still needa bring his FA go admin send for servicing. mehhh~ never mind. it's still not bad a deal yo :DDD
FEELS HIGH ON DBSK SONGS! :D
i told of my glory at 10:10 pm
Friday, 7 August 2009
passed my ftt today! :D
damn scary! even this morning, when i wake up to do ftt practice online, i skipped lecture and had to take cab to school but i still failed even till the last practice! :/ when i went for the ftt at ubi cdc itself at 4.30pm, i saw chelsea in the same exam room as me :D then sat down, waited waited, until we could start on the test.
while i was checking my answers and making alot of changes, the two people to my left left, and both failed. the buy to my right was doing the test in tamil lang, the person to his right also failed. in front of me, many people got up with -ve faces and "tsk"s. so what did that mean? obviously nothing good. checked once through, had 5 unsures, and just submitted. omg thank god i passed sia. really! i was like "PHEWWWW~" and stood up smiling. the invigilator smiled at me and i smiled all the way from level 2 to level 1 lah. haha! feels damn retardeddddd! but im happy cos i cant believe i actually passed when i hadnt passed all night and morning! :/ yay!
then got my test date. waited darnnnnn long for it yo. 30th nov :D 4.30pm! DONT STALK ME okay! :D
so today, was ob tutorial and studyyyyy~ haha. darren damn funny. he has DUAL MECHANISM (: *inside joke*.
but damn funny nevertheless. cos he's being so vulgar, thats why i shot that at him, and he admits have this dual mechanism thing. damn unique okay!
and well, all i can say, i love that ban mian opposite school :DDDD
comm skills test tmr! ARGH ):
and definitely, thanks to winston my best bro, erika, and all those who wished me luck for today's ftt. really great deal of confidence helped (:
i told of my glory at 11:06 pm
Thursday, 6 August 2009
ftt tmr. online simulator makes me feel more negative. havent passed a single time today yet. ARGH!
i got no mood to blog much.
but see this funny brother who is so LAME.. :/
was talking to him about the online simulator test..
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
let this be as close to the actual thing as possible
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
-.-
HUIFANG says:
yea
HUIFANG says:
well
HUIFANG says:
i dont have a choice
HUIFANG says:
lol
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
u got a choice
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
its MCQ!
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
-.-
HUIFANG says:
......
HUIFANG says:
damn lame lah you
HUIFANG says:
haha
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
what
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
mcq = multiple CHOICE qn ma
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
-,-
HUIFANG says:
...
HUIFANG says:
hanarrr
HUIFANG says:
you happy can alr
HUIFANG says:
lol
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
kk
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
-.-
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
Whee
HUIFANG says:
lol
HUIFANG says:
act cute
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
u shud blog abt that later
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
=X
HUIFANG says:
you acting cute ah
HUIFANG says:
haha
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
no
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
the mcq thingy
HUIFANG says:
lol
HUIFANG says:
so lame ok
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
all the more
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
u see ur blog the LV design
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
is a L and V tgt
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
ppl who dunno this brand
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
may read it as VL
HUIFANG says:
.........
Winston. M3, A4. "let her drive flinstones classic convertible" says:
VL = very lame
HUIFANG says:
YAH WADEVER
HUIFANG says:
LOL
oh well, back to my simulator.
i told of my glory at 10:26 pm
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
day today was pretty okay i guess. stayed back after school with darren, xinyan, von and wenliang to study. was quite unproductive. cos most of the time was spent on doing planning with darren. wa solid, last time i look to mr darren for planning, not mr darren look to miss huifang for planning ;D ayeee, i hope darren really catches up though.. while i continue to worry over my own results too :/
ahh,
for some things that happened today,
if youre meant to read it, you'll be able to. otherwise, i guess it doesnt matter.
ANNOYANCE!
and i think i just saw hello kitty whiz past in front of me.
i think it's a sign that im feeling tired already.
and feeling critical over every single small issue.
oh gosh, i need a break. i need to unwind. i need to have some true laughter coming from myself.
ling jin tian, where have you disappeared toooo! I MISS YOU SHITSXZ~
next tuesday next tuesday!
and i have ftt this friday, comm skills test this saturday. sounds cool yes?
i told of my glory at 9:59 pm
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
i think i am in such an annoyed mood today that i got pissed off when i got tailgated by a maserati granturismo whom horned at me cos the car infront was turning slowly at the traffic light. basket.
then after that i tio horned at by audi r8. really is @($(@#*@*T^((# i tell you. i dont know why those chio cars like to tailgate and horn at me today =.=
and today morning on the way to school, i was reminded of a conversation yesterday with one of my classmates. it went like that:
classmate- "huifang, you want take the cert program?"
hf- "i dont know leh. see what they say first."
*5 minutes later.
classmate- "huifang, so how?"
hf- "i think even if im offered i also dowan. so demanding and siao one, the package subjects also not say very attractive."
classmate- "sian lor, they nvr offer music. otherwise i sure take. these kinda packages i dont want take even if they offer me.."
basically, the cert program is a program offered to those who are top 10% of each course cohort. such that when they graduate they have an extra cert to support their diploma. what they have to do is to take a 4th CDS. and the CDS they choose comes is a package. not all the different genres of what you want.
the point behind mentioning this conversation, is that me, huifang, whom (ahem) was one of the top in class for my midsem results, also say "I THINK EVEN IF IM OFFERED" rather than saying i dont want to take it. but this classmate, who wasnt even close to being top, and wasnt even close to doing WELL enough at all, has lousy attitude and all, and he wants to complain about the cert program offered? c'mon, who's he trying to kid man. will he even qualify for it?
i myself am worried over whether i'll be able to maintain my standard, but there he is, talking big as if it's no kick. srsly, such complacent people shold just burn in hell after experiencing failure. to think i was worried he'd do better than me for midsems. nowhere near me sia. haha!
am very annoyed cos i studied from 4.30pm till 8pm, went with my parents for dinner when my dad picked me up at 8, but only ended up eating dinner at 10pm -.- all thanks to my mom who took SO LONG at the optician.. now im feeling so queasy over the stupid dinner -.-
MY DAY WAS SO BORINGGGG ):
study study study rawr!
birthdays are horrible when we cant celebrate as planned cos of so many factors. last year, i told myself id celebrate this year's birthday happy with my dream having came true, but it didnt come true, and i wont be able to celebrate like how i wanted it to be last year.
sometimes i dont know whether it is a good thing to happen every year.
its fun when u are able to celebrate with your frens, family and all. but when schedule is so packed with exams front and back of birthday, that you dont have time at all, it really sucks. ): how are you going to find time for every single one of them?
i want to meet those people i want to meet, those whom i want to meet up with and celebrate my birthday with, and have funnnnnnnn.
but if i want to, i have to study first. FIGHT AH :D
RAWR.
oh well, he texted me today.
i think i still feel happy, that he remembers me as his downline (: cos i feel ive done him too much wrong already :/ HAIS..
i told of my glory at 11:18 pm
Monday, 3 August 2009
is it that difficult to realise that I AM A GIRL?
is it that tough to remind yourself that no matter how friendly things get, huifang is still a girl? huh? tell me!
other girls have feelings as fragile as a porcelain teacup. so huifang as feelings as tough as A STEEL TEACUP IS IT?
i wonder why sometimes being too close to some people, yet they dont understand me at all. not one bit.
one kind of fucking bastard also, seriously. dont act like you know everything when youve just been back for one day.
missing for a week means missing out on 1b21's activities for one week and mind you, 1b21 is damn happening that everyday theres something new. having the emotional capacity of a teaspoon doesnt mean everyone is like you either.
and this makes me so annoyed, that i shall not remind him that he has not submitted his assignment due last friday which id alr collected and submitted.
and weird people, stop bugging me with useless questions that dont even involve you in the picture.
stop asking me irrelevant things that dont even concern you.
i just want to live my school life well cos i cannot screw up, unlike you people. no offence, but you all can screw up your next 3 years and get screwed by your parents up the wall but i can go jump off a building if i do that cos ive alr almost got killed by my parents once all thanks to studies.
a report is a report, not just merely answers to questions. i do what im told to do, to the best of my abilities. you do what you can do. there should be a compromise on what you and i recognize as "quality work".
i believe in "either do to your best, or else, dont do, if youre gonna give lousy quality work". if what i believe is quality work is what you believe is rubbish, then im sorry, dont ask me for help in future, dont ask teacher to showcase my work, and dont ask me anything at all. -.-
that, is to 4 different people. meh meh meh.
computer system applications a 90.5% so far for my lecture quizzes, mid sem paper, and online excel test. shocking, consider how i always get the feeling im screwing up csa. all i need is like around a 30 marks out of 60 for my coursework (excel and dreamweaver) and i can definitely secure an A for my sem 1 of year 1 already.
this is called motivation.
and, i think i need a reliable study partner who will chiong with me these last 2 weeks.
i told of my glory at 9:40 pm
Sunday, 2 August 2009
camp was great ;D great great great!
cos vasco got TOP (:
and our dearest FA keith got the BEST FA award (: (: (:
we were the survivorrrrrrs :D HAHA! and the camp tshirt is super nice okayy!
wet games today and final clash was havoc. total havoc :D i think "megan" is super funnnyyyyyy, esp when he's tgt with "angelina". they two super duo make my whole group damn tickled.
had really unique experiences like for example, walking half the campus bare footed, WALKING IN THE TP FOUNTAIN (like REALLY walk across inside it), running like mad on the field throwing waterbombs at newspaper-made lollipops, dancing like mad people, singing like mad people, posing for pictures, singing really damn cute yet makes-me-feel-kinda-like-a-kid cheers, tying water bombs like im some professional hawker centre aunty who ties the plastic bags when people order da bao food etc etc etc. ;D
and cooking instant noodles in the school -.- nah, i didnt do that. that was their breakfast game today. me and wenliang reached school after their breakfast game (i planned it lol)
so yea, now, sunburnt, all thanks to final clash. and i got no voice, all thanks to all that cheering and all.
but i had a great time ;D
and the programmers all knew vasco's cheerSSSSSS cos they were all simple, catchy, yet nice :D
make a diamond with my fingers, make a rectangle too.
make a circle with my arms, make a heart.
keith, we love you!
i told of my glory at 10:10 pm