Tuesday, 29 April 2008
chapter 74:
it's just sensitivity issues at times.
i fancy the smoking area.
not cos i smoke,
but cos
there doesnt have to be a reason..
sometimes it may be the memories,
sometimes it may just be the feelings it evoke..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today i just gotta say:
sorry angmengwee.
attituded him just now.
he was just being nice.
and logical.
but after showing attitude,
i dont know how to apologize :(
sponsor did something which made me..
sad?
disappointed?
i dont know. i only know i was almost crushing the key on the way back.
i had to walk all the way,
see your face,
take ur attitude,
just for?
not my benefit.
but cos i was told to.
I JUST NEED TO SCREAM!!
I DONT LIKE TO KEEP EVERYTHING IN COS IT FEELS DAMN FISH UNCOMFORTABLE AND I JUST FEEL LIKE..
angmengwee, im not emo cos of sponsor.
im not emo cos he's like that now.
amw,
you cant possibly understand this now..
it's the secrecy which can ruin everything..
but im really glad to at least have someone in the team who at least cares..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
but anyway,
yesterday i typed this out but forgot to include in the post yesterday:
wen bin and the other taurus guy. THEY WERE DAMN FUNNY. miss jasmine the ex-nyjcian-now-bgm was SO shocked when the visa couldnt be used for 24 months installment payment. HAHA. then wen bin and the other guy DAMN gan jiong. i was there with miss lois and jimmy cos jimmy wanted to draw stock and i went to KPO. LOL. in the end blah blah i dont know joke here joke there and ended up wen bin saying HE WANNA JOIN FALCON ALREADY. LOL. and miss jasmine was like "yesterday say wanna join viper, today say falcon. he ah..." AHAHA. wen bin damn funny please. x)
i told of my glory at 10:43 pm
Monday, 28 April 2008
chapter 73:
it really gets on my nerves to see you shocked when you see me cos you've forgotten all about bringing me along on an appointment.
when youre walking out and im walking in,
AGAIN.
you
dumb
squid.
i need to prove angmengwee wrong LEH T.T
but you keep forgetting about
ME. :(
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
jimmy sent me home again xD YAY. haha. kind of becoming a.. habit? HAHA.
just now went to eat century egg with pork porridge and carrot cake at dunman road with jimmy, angmengwee and miss lois xD NICE :)
talked about some stuff over dinner.
about LJ, rather.
and this and that, our journey.
my journey..
but anyway, back to LJ.
sometimes he's just too..
egoistic?
so much so that so many people have so many things to say about him..
sometimes he says stuff which offend people..
sometimes he has habits which are a turnoff to many..
and i realised,
angmengwee really has the elder brother image xD
when he nags at me for eating chocolates when im sick,
when he nags at me for not doing homework,
when he asks about this and that,
yet a small kid image when he says "i wanna go buy fries"..
what a nice CA i have :)
i have a
i have a
i have
what more can i ask for??
really..
manager? i believe i can. it's a matter of time.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
ECONS!!
IM TIRED!!
how highly disappointing.
waiting for your appointment is like waiting for rain in the desert..
i think i can..
stop waiting..
shant let that hinder any progress..
i told of my glory at 11:21 pm
Sunday, 27 April 2008
chapter 72:
it's always the coincidence.
im going in,
youre coming out.
SIAN! HAHA.
:(
maybe i should stop whining and count my blessings. LOL..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
went to meet zhiwen, estelli, pauline, junxi and renyi to buy bbq stuff today at parkway. LOL. in the end i returned late and angmengwee was like "wah i thought you say go out for one hour plus only?" LOL.
just when i walked in, idol walked out :(
spent the evening tidying up my stuff. falcon cubicle was EMPTY :( everyone left already. but i was doing econs and yea, tidying up.
boring day.
i have a very caring CA :)))
*yawns.
i told of my glory at 11:31 pm
Saturday, 26 April 2008
chapter 71:
it's always the most secretive moments that get exposed,
the most open moments that are unseen.
HAHA :)
cos i dont generally display my love openly.
or rather,
i cant.
we cant :(
ARGHs. how sad.
my bad :(
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
YAY jimmy sent me home again. HAHA. dropped miss lois off first and somehow from hougang to bishan we got LOST haha! in the end when we came down from amk he was like "OH! I USED TO COME HERE EVERY FRIDAY TO TEACH TAEKWANDO!" T.T jimmy is SUPER blur please HAHA.
so TODAY! nehneh angmengwee told me to morning call him at 10.30. supposed to meet at 12. in the end i gave him the morning call, went to get strepsils so reached late, but he DUA-ed me. nehneh. called him and he was still at home :( cheat my feelings. dodo. zz. so anyway, just when i was about to go off for lunch with the secret person, LONGJUN CALLED ME TO SAY HIS PERSON WAS COMING OVER ALREADY. %$#(!*^(%*@$# NBNBNB!! in the end i got so annoyed that i accidentally broke a cup infront of mr jason and his parents. ZZ. #$(@*(%*$@)!( in the end i got so so so annoyed with MYSELF. cos HE saw me break the cup also. wtfs. so keep a cool head girl, i did a perfect recruitment in my
went for dinner at some uhh, dunman street there. the hawker centre. WAH. the frog leg, porridge, DAMN NICE SEH!! xD and the guys that own the stall. woohoo! youngsters leh! xD COOOOL. jimmy drove us over :)
and i think i kind of did something wrong today. ha. my laptop was with miss lois at level one. so when mr steve came and wanted to borrow laptop i told him to take longjun's cos he said it's only for AWHILE. in the end, i was lazy to call longjun despite mr steve telling me to and oh well, the next second he came and asked where's his laptop T.T
AND, was talking about presumably-lost-downline again on jimmy's car on the way home. cos we past by the nissan car showroom and jimmy told me about the fairlady at the entrance. and the topic of going to showrooms was directed to her. SHE, had her dreams to talk about during the session with MR STEVE. SHE, had SO many goals in mind that VE could help her achieve. SHE, made me so sad cos i couldnt answer when MR STEVE asked that time. and now, im the only one left.
one word,
FUCK.
i told miss lois that session was EXTREMELY IMPRESSIONABLE, not cos it was MR STEVE, but cos it made me feel so much like a loser and a person without goals in life.
but anyway,
i told of my glory at 11:51 pm
chapter 70:
the grin i'll never forget,
the smile that brightens up my day.
the piercing stare which never failed to bring chills down my spine,
how many more months before the success?
i'll say it like "YO!" x)
with the style~
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
firstly, my throat feels horrible. i took 20 minutes to eat some chicken and some egg in school. and now my voice is damn
so, school was..
econs test sucks lah okay.
first test im prepared to fail. zzz. break my passing streak this year. ARGHS.
and the class is starting to complain about those sick people spreading the germs.
i guess i was the first.
anyway,
weijian was so nice just now to deliver the stuff to me. haha. he was on his way to toa payoh and took train to eunos from bedok, then walked with me back to the building then he took 28. lol. talked outside the building for like, half an hour? hah. then he and ester really.. wtf. im being bullied :( SAD AH. ha. but I SAW WEIJIAN UNGLAM WHEN HE WAS CHASING AFTER THE BUS COS HE _____ (fill in the blanks) HAHA. i almost died laughing.
later,
miss chelsy came to our area today and requested to take a look at my erhu so i took it out. *arghs. they insisted i play it ha. that day mr jason, today miss chelsy. arghs. ha. and mr adrian was there too!! LOL. i managed to worm my way out of playing, but mr adrian was so fascinated by it he couldnt help but want to try it out. in the end mr nick and his people turned around and mr nick was so fascinated by it too. HA. then he damn evil. took out a 10c coin and put it on the table cos mr adrian was trying to play it. ha. xD
and miss zhiying and mr steve are DAMN funny. i was at the table outside taurus cubicle with meijuan, derrick and i-dont-know-who. then miss zhiying came over and somehow i-dont-know-why i ended up standing up and talking to her. then mr steve came behind her and she was happily making her hair. and well, mr steve is taller than her. so her hair was like practically in his face. LOL. his expression- frowns, cringes, frowns. HAHA. only i saw please. i almost died laughing. then he sat down and talked to them and miss zhiying decided to take revenge by disturbing me saying im
then had a junior distri level session.
damn. i thought where were all the taurus people cos suddenly they disappeared when i was talking to longjun. went to 3rd storey and just when i was about to open the back door of the sem room mr steve opened it form inside and said "dont gan jiong dont gan jiong! go there sit first lo later then come in". and i was very uh, straightforward. i was like, "taurus people leh?" then he frowned at me with a weird expression and told me they're still downstairs :( ARGH. in the end i found them behind the lockers o.O
anyway, JDL session was hilarious. started off with mr steve suan-ing mr yanlong again. ha. he's damn evil x.X sabo-ed mr yanlong on stage in the end and somehow ended up playing blow wind blow. sabo-ed mr nick, mr zhiliang and wen bin onstage in the end. ha. poor taurus people when mr steve is the host. HAHA. then they were dancing on stage. omg. DAMN funny. esp mr yanlong and mr zhiliang. HA.
so,
the JDL session was cool.
1st speaker- mr seb hiew
2nd speaker- mr charles
3rd speaker- mr kit
4th speaker- mr dewey
didnt stay for mr dewey's speech cos it was already..
arghs, 11 plus. and i was coughing like some annoying shit in the sem room. x.X
reached home at 12. YAWNS. tired. argh.
tmr im gonna talk to angmengwee about everything.
i got to.
it's his birthday and how i wish he was here beside me.
having been through so much with the stupidsquid, he was really the one who started us off.
beloved chicken, i miss you seh..
i told of my glory at 12:34 am
Thursday, 24 April 2008
chapter 69:
youre really,
the attraction beyond words..
took my breath away.
i just knew i had to stay..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today was a really cracked up day in school.
i just felt the same as yesterday.
SMU talk was highly motivating though.
i wanna go there mannnnn!!
gotta work hard! ARGHS!!
and today i kind of uh, lost control.
this past week had been so hectic for me.
rushing tests,
fulfilling my duties,
doing tutorials,
i DIDNT have ANY time for myself.
REALLY.
sick, ill,
whatever you call it,
i just fever-ed and coughed my way through this whole week.
an out-of-body experience i'd say.
many things i saw from the 3rd person point of view. weird..
and finally i broke down.
oh well.
i really HELD BACK.
but still..
was having "lesson" with jinghui and lucinda. angmengwee was teaching.
then he started asking questions around.
what we'd been doing for the past 4 months after he achieved his car.
then he asked me alot of stuff i didnt know.
i couldnt answer.
i just couldnt cos i didnt know how to.
i always did what my longjun told me to.
"manager will do. you dont do."
"5 golden rules i go through. you dont."
dont do this dont do that.
ok, im very obedient. i leave it all to you.
it's called trust, believe, follow.
gradually, i felt the insecurity.
negativity sank in and i started to feel insecure under your tutelage.
but anyway,
when angmengwee asked me the first question, i gave him my answer and he banged his head against the board. asked more questions and he only got more o.O with my answers. then the topic turned to sponsor. somehow, he's the reason why i always felt so lost. and in contrast, angmengwee's always the one who's there to solve those problems.
as an ME, i shouldnt be dependent on sponsor. as mr steve said before, ME in the past were damn SOLID, not like now. i thought him wrong, until today. i cant do a proper debrief, i cant go through book properly, i cant answer his questions.. no i dont feel the stress from that, it's just the disappointment.
jimmy was being nice enough to encourage me,
but i guess it only made me feel sadder.
i really held back you know,
lucinda was like,
looking and looking.
angmengwee still looked at me while he talked.
that's the reason i felt that way,
why isnt lj like that?
you know,
you could just see the deep concern.
today he even said.
he learnt the most after he achieved his PCI.
i believe he did.
cos i saw the change in him.
even though i only knew him for 2 months then,
i was glad, really.
today he identified each of our problems.
i believe i will change that.
soon..
cos i believe he, and everyone else including longjun will help me overcome it.
and just now when we were walking to the mrt station, they made me laugh all the way.
angmengwee *acts sobbing and whines
huifang "shut up lah noisy. haha.."
jinghui *screams like a lady being raped *someone looks out of window
**huifang and angmengwee run away. LOL.
damn. the 2 of them stupid shits. especially angmengwee. kept acting like crying but sounding like whining. ha. damn. :)
and i think i kind of attituded angmengwee today. SORRY :( tmr im gonna apologize to him. he always means well but i always take that for granted.
off to complete my stupid econs essay. damn. so long x.X
it's not the stress.
im just tired.
im not emo.
im sad and disappointed.
your burden was passed on to someone who cared enough.
he took great care indeed.
gave me planning,
always there to offer a word of advice,
always there for me. -- that was something you couldnt do.
miss lois was always there to give me night trainings whenever i could stay.
mr mengwee was always there to CS me whenever i needed help.
no, you were there too.
but sometimes i just couldnt find how to put words across to you.
i told of my glory at 11:39 pm
Wednesday, 23 April 2008
chapter 68:
maybe it was just me,
maybe it was reality.
as i said earlier,
i am not what i am.
i may smile,
to hide the tears.
i may laugh,
to cover the pain.
i may love,
to numb the hurt..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today alot of things happened. finally a time where im really in a clear mind to type everything out.
thanks jimmy for sending me home once again!!
i really love his bmw seh. go get a boyfriend who drives an impressive bmw *hints to ahems*
it took me exactly 11 minutes to get home from paya lebar via CTE. *glad.
today,
1. i didnt get in for the england trip cos the teacher didnt take my form yesterday. ben and tammy got in.
2. i was very very very sick.
3. some parts of co exco really.. i dont know what to say. it's just, horrible. they never would find out what he once did eh? (CONGRATS TO LOVELY ZHIWEN, PRESIDENT!! and to my dearest chiaweijian, student conductor. oh yah, he scolded kelvin for me today cos kelvin called me horrid names.)
4. went crazy and did econs essay instead of gp.
5. got attacked both ways by liz and jinghui. (shucks. now they know im afraid of tickles)
and and and, angmengwee asked me why am i feeling so emo today. thanks for the concern. but he came up with stupid reasons like cos i broke up with my bf and etc. hur. cos actually just now i was at the table with jimmy. then he asked me to go over to his table but i just whined at him saying it's late. i just didnt want to go over though it was just the next table. in the end i did. hur. and i whine as much as he does x.X whine, sa jiao, whatever you call it.
on a sidenote,
im pretty much
walked past N and i kind of ignored her while i greeted him who was behind her.
oh well.
3 seconds later i realised i didnt say hi to N.
arghs.
blinded.
by this..
what do you call this?
and later on, in the lift,
you just couldnt take yours eyes off me couldnt you?
liz and i were just..
having a friendly argue.
though we were the only 2 people talking out of the 6 people in the lift.
i said im gonna use my laptop for homework, not playing.
and your eyes became as round as fishballs.
damn you.
im a jc student, dude.
what are you skeptical about?
still econs-ing.
anyway, i think my gp tutor kind of sucks.
i told of my glory at 11:06 pm
one word:
disappointed.
one sentence:
i am not what i am.
(iago)
too many things happening in a day..
ARGH..
i told of my glory at 5:51 pm
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
chapter 67:
everyone is
weak,
tired,
worn out.
so are you,
but i dont know what to say to you..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
before i talk about today, there's something i missed out on yesterday. during the sem, wen bin and other the taurus distris were behind us. then wen bin was abit.. high? hmm. something like that. he was talking with the guy beside kelvin (kelvin was beside me) then he told him
PHD = poly halfway dropout.
damn. laughed till crap.
anyway, TODAY.
im sick.
i went to school even though im sick.
i laughed along like im okay even though i felt like i was gonna puke anytime, and giddy spells through the day.
sponsor was also sick. he went home after coming to take something i think. saw him looking very tired and.. weak. hmm. but i dont know what to say to him. oh well. and angmengwee was being a horrid kookoo. when he called me after talking to luinda, i told him i was outside the building already cos i gotta go, then he tried his very best to convince me to go back in by errrrh, sa3 jiao1 ing. ERM. haha. then kept asking who i was going to meet. even when i said it's someone he dont know he still insisted on knowing who. kns. haha.
on a sidenote,
i love gp. it's a fun subject.
but i hate the
makes the subject a great turnoff.
of cos,
im happy working on my own on the topic of education.
without a
nope i wasnt pissed,
just amused that SHE thinks it's her job to find out how much i know about the almighty shakespear.
how childish to try to embarrass me in front of the class. HAHA.
everyone's falling sick..
so to those out there who are still healthy, take care. rest early. the weather sucks big time recently x.X makes one prone to illnesses =x
get well boy,
your people need you..
i told of my glory at 9:45 pm
Monday, 21 April 2008
chapter 66:
when im in, youre out.
when youre in,
im not.
that is so..
highly..
discouraging..
disappointing..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
first thing, im sick.
i sat directly under the cold air condition in the room just now cos a bitch called YQ" told me to. why was i so obedient? and kelvin was like "lucky im wearing long sleeve." it was damn f* cold.
got a lift home from someone i didnt expect to.
thanks new-made-good-friend.
he said he was there to replace him for the moment.
my mom was shocked why i had a friend who had such a nice car :)
arghs, mr jimmy was busy with kelvin today :(
seminar was totally enriching.
HAT certs given out (*sobs pathetically as i saw my "twin" go onstage once again without me though i was SUPPOSED to be there, again.)
mr dewey, mr steven and mr kit's speeches on the VPC. i wanna join the VPC soon. argh. as fairy godmother once mentioned, i'll only get close when im of an equally high status.
and and and, why i was at seminar.
why did i miss the choir concert.
reason: cos i was playing dota with mengwee until we forgot the time and somehow, 7 plus pm i was still at eunos. so i didnt go to the choir concert in the end. arghs.
i think i really pissed sponsor out today. cos he was really really annoyed. would have quarrelled if i hadnt just kept quiet. no wonder angmengwee and JH are often so annoyed with him. i really wonder..
what if i never msg-ed him on 8th nov '07?
what if i never held on for the wrong reason?
what if i had given up just like how the rest did?
then i guess i wouldnt still be here under your drills..
bad times indeed,
but i still look back at those good times..
times of happiness,
times of true laughter..
times i really learnt alot..
in conclusion, im feeling very much feverish and waiting for my hair to dry out then i can finally go sleep.
i really feel like im about to reach the breaking point soon..
f* i cant even feel happy that "TWIN" is asking if im home yet.
i cant even feel happy that
arghs.
new-found-good-fren. thanks alot.
i told of my glory at 11:07 pm
Sunday, 20 April 2008
chapter 65:
so that's the reason,
behind the secrecy,
behind those times outside.
it's was all for the future :)
it's called plannings,
called placings.
solid! :)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
stupid angmengwee hand itchy took out my erhu just now. x.X arghs, the mr jason came along and asked him to play, then he push it to me. NEHNEH. in the end i played guan huai fang shi only HAHA. never tiao yin properly, never put song xiang, WALAO very malu to play please. lucky the person who shouldnt hear wasnt there. HA. and know what mr jason said after i finished playing?
"NEXT SEMINAR JIU SHI NI LE! 2 STRINGS CAN SO MANY SOUNDS! WHOA!!"
LOL. damn xD PAISEH PLEASE..
so was having the time of the day crapping with zhiying, mengwee and jinghui. ended up somehow talking about MISS JAM :) haha. GOSSIP-MONGERS xD in the end when miss jam came,
zhiying; "MISS JAM YOURE SO GOOD!"
huifang: "MISS JAM HAO!"
mengwee: "YAH LOR MISS JAM PRETTY!"
*bursts out into ballistic laughter.
miss jam was so shocked. HAHA.
and we continued to ga jiao her, until.
miss jam: "zhiying you got a favour to ask of me is it?"
HAHAHHAHA miss zhiying damn sad lah! LOL.
and we were playing with the balloon left behind from that day's seminar. only one left. surprised that it was still filled with air after so many days, jinghui then explained that longjun had released the helium pumped in and he blew it up again. LOL. and jinghui kept emphasizing that it contained longjun's saliva!! x.X then mengwee kept using the stupid balloon scare me zzz. in the end i ran out of the cubicle. ARGHS. unglam ha. =x in the end stupid jinghui stepped on it to burst it. ZZZ.
mengwee's been treating me especially nicely recently. hahas. :)
LONG TENG HU YUE IS DAMN NICEEEEEE!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHS!!!!
i told of my glory at 10:26 pm
chapter 64:
argh.
busy day,
really.
i didnt even have time to stop by to talk to you :(
yes you were standing there,
the place where you wouldnt have been at if not for today,
just to look at you for those 2 seconds and a brief smile.
it's so amazing how the urge gets so strong..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
CO PERFORMANCE WENT GREAT :)
we love co! HAHA x) cos of the crazy people there. especially zhiwen and weijian. arghs, these 2 people never fail to make me laugh till i wanna die HAHA xD took a few pictures with nyco today and they turned out GREAT :) look to friendster for those pics haha! and anyway, weijian was being a stupid bitch today. came to school without his shoes for the performance. damn. in the end i went home with him to take his shoes. BLEH!
went for a movie outing with SHA just now. we went to watch the forbidden kingdom. omg man it's super cool xD i like the fighting scenes lah! i usually dont fancy those kinda fight fight fight shows, but this one is NICE!!! x) mr jimmy drove us over at around 7 and we had our dinner at tiong bahru shopping centre then went up for movie at 9pm haha. YAY. too bad only miss lois, mr mengwee, mr jimmy, nad and i were around form falcon :( i kind of still miss the old gang. oh well. and aiyahh, why is this a SHA gathering, should be a SHA + KTA gathering luh, then got more people. HAHA xD alright i was just kidding. *yawns.
ARGH. 14572LV!!
a little less busy tmr = a little more time with happy squid. HAHA :)
i told of my glory at 12:24 am
Saturday, 19 April 2008
chapter 63:
today was such a busy day
we
just didnt have
time.
AWW.. :( NO SINCERITY LAH BOY..
tmr's still available x)
still, my happiest experience, among all these shit im going through,
was when you told me everything,
when you said to meet your parents,
heart-aching seeing you really struggle to quit your BAD HABIT because you promised to,
yet so happy when hearing you talk about your plans for the future..
everything that has got to do with you.
i guess in conclusion, im just so happy to have you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
school was uhh, horrid. i kept dozing off today and today seemed like a ^%*)#*&^%* long day. =x me, tammy and ben were planning to leave at 3.30pm for our own reasons, but only ended up me and ben leaving the college at 4 plus. dont ask me why. GRR =x and ben is VERY VERY funny. just now in chemistry, chin kiong was asking why the foreign electron goes to S instead of to O in SO42-.
and what was ben's explanation for it? COS ALL THE Os ARE SNATCHING FOR IT. SO S BEING IN THE CENTRE, DECIDED TO KOP THE FOREIGN ELECTRONS. THEREFORE, THE FOREIGN ELECTRONS ARE TAKEN IN BY S.
BULLSHIT LAH HAHAHAH!! x) in the first place, the foreign electrons go to 2 different Os respectively. in this case, electronegativity of atoms is not a factor. but his explanation to kiong was VERY funny x) so matter-of-factly.
so yea, was talking to him about this and that while walking out of college. HAHA i cant believe i once thought him unfriendly and hostile X.x
and and and, why are more and more people using u700??! LOL. that day saw mr steve using, today saw mr calvin using. HAHA.. x.X
i
i fight for my position. i canot stop at all. i need the phone. i need that seat please. thank you.
and im not the only one who thinks this way..
i told of my glory at 12:41 am
Thursday, 17 April 2008
chapter 62:
tmr is the 18th..
yet im facing a few more problems than usual..
today..
i didnt even get a chance to talk to you,
how saddening..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
ben and yining were holding hands during econs lecture. omg i found that totally amusing. cos it kind of reminds me of those childhood times in kindergarten when you know, holding hands was like, oh, true love. OH WELL. yining says ben likes him but he dont like ben, he likes ******* but she dont like him. HAHA. sounds so complicating. oh well. leave them be. but ben's REALLY humourous. he jerked awake at econs lecture cos he was sleeping. lol.
school was that interesting.
with 0820, every mundane day is full of laughters.
i could never feel emo in school.
id forget my troubles.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
upline told me one thing, why so many agents will be lost when school re opens.
this is because he didnt firm them down well enough,
and those who stay on are with the strongest mentality.
am i included?
am i really strong in mentality?
but im too caught up with minor details,
too caught up with my own thoughts.
im beginning to neglect the feelings of those around me.
i didnt think that something couldve happened to downline that made her MIA.
i kept thinking she was being f*cked up by not taking my calls and not replying msgs.
she didnt even take siew hoon's calls.
maybe it's really me that's the only one not having a care about her,
cos only until just now when mr shunjie and mr longjun were saying what if something had happened to her,
then the idea really came through me.
then i realised.
people always say we only regret when we lose those we never cherished.
somehow i really felt
but who knew?
before that,
walking into the building,
i met derrick.
smiles,
small talk,
smiles.
but then there was that killer headache that's been on and off since a few days ago.
im super distracted today.
i think even upline got annoyed doing planning for me.
cos i kept looking away.
and kept feeling tears form in my eyes.
I DONT KNOW WHY.
called up brother K's teacher to wish her happy birthday cos it's her birthday today. she was overjoyed. cos she knows he still remembers something minor her birthday, according to what she said, though i insisted it wasnt minor. im glad i did brother K this favour today, though i miss him alot, really.
there wasnt ANYONE at office i could talk to about things running through my mind.
nic wasnt around (though mr NICK came around to borrow laptop ha.)
derrick wasnt around
ester wasnt around
NO ONE WAS..
no one to go out to "kill myself" with me.
HOW SAD.
so i didnt manage to "kill myself" today.
ARGHS.
ESTERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
half an hour more to the 18th april..
what a great mood im in....
i told of my glory at 11:28 pm
Wednesday, 16 April 2008
chapter 61:
the 18th is coming soon..
it'd be
secrets?
happy times?
memories?
people always say memories are always better than present, cos they look back and realise they never cherished the times.
those nice times,
OH WELL x)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
had co elections,
co tee is nice,
saw handsome guy again today,
and realised his car is a mitsubishi.
definitely been zeng before.
cos the sound of the engine..
WOOHOO!!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
in this company,
i've been through maybe not the worse,
but definitely been through much enough to consider them as sh*t.
starting,
rejection from friends regarding this trade,
rejection from parents regarding this trade,
gradually,
difficulties faced,
difficulties overcomed.
over time,
limitations broken,
new habits found,
new friends found,
new mentors in life i discovered,
learning how to listen,
instead of only hearing.
still finding,
to break more limitations,
to be more courageous,
to be a more steady presenter,
to have mroe confidence in myself..
i've taught people,
i've guided people.
i've enlightened,
and i've lost.
the loss is part of the journey, yes.
but sometimes some particular loss have a greater impact.
personal downlines make work easier,
personal downlines make teaching easier,
make duplication easier.
yet time after time,
im disappointed by people whom i thought i could put 100% effort in.
do you know how i felt when you didnt take my call?
didnt reply my msg?
was told that "she lost already lah".
someone asked could something have happened to you?
i believe not.
cos you wouldnt have the ability to off your phone after 5 missed calls from upline and me.
and yet,
all i have to say now is,
congrats.
all the best to you in your future endeavors.
it's called detachment.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
didnt get to see you,
cos was sick.
yet that phonecall,
that song,
your voice,
totally.. .. ..
awakened..
i told of my glory at 10:47 pm
Tuesday, 15 April 2008
chapter 60:
how stunning..
wild..
everyday is so full of surprises..
"why are you such an impressionable person?"
"cos i've always wanted to outshine and impress.. so now it's your turn.."
maybe 5 years down the road we'll go back to that spot we marked today,
and we may have achieved something impressive,
something so remarkable we may no longer be separated by status but by..
i dont know..
yi qi zhang da de yue ding
na yang qing xi da guo gou de wo xiang xin
shuo hao yao yi qi lv xing
shi ni ru jin wei yi jian chi de ren xing
yi qi zhang da de yue ding
na yang zhen xin
yu ni liao bu wan de ceng jing
er wo yi jing fen bu qing
ni shi you qing
hao shi cuo guo de ai qing..
we may not have grown up together,
but yepps, we'll fight all the way together
cos i know you'll wait for me at the top.
i know you will..
and again, i love it when you sing..
"wo bei ni zou dao zui hou
neng bu neng bu yao hui tou
ni jing jing de la zhu wo
shuo ni bu xu yao cheng nuo
ni shuo wo ruo yi ge ren hui bi jiao zi you
wo bu dong ni shuo shen me
fan zheng bu hui song shou
wo bei ni zou dao zui hou
neng bu yao bie xiang tai duo
hui bu hui shou qian zhu shou
wan yi dian cai dao jin tou
ni shuo bu gai xiang jian zhi wei le shun jian
xie xie ni rang wo ting jian
yin wei wo zai deng dai yong yuan"
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today was really.. HAHA. class was damn crazy. oh man. the girls. HAHA. cam-whore during ct period cos we were taking photos for some dont know what school-purpose. HAHA.
so after that, went to office. oh well. had a close to 2 hour CS with mr mengwee (AGAIN!) x) HAHA. coffee sessions with mr mengwee are always that long cos kind of informal, yet he still teaches me stuff xD and and and, he did a planning for me. i hope i can follow that planning, cos really, i disappoint him time after time.. and now some initially-small-problems are slowly snowballing into bigger problems. i gotta solve them while i can. x.X so i know with mr mengwee always being there there will be no problems that cannot be solved!! :) it's called TRUST, BELIEVE, FOLLOW!!
upline, please give me some time..
evening went for small "grouping" with miss lois at pkms, in the end was cos she bought strawberry strudel for us. hahas THANKS MISS POH (: dammmmmn nice of her haha! the strawberry damn big leh! xD SWEEEEEEEET!! i like x)
and OH SO SUAY. omg. mr adrian saw me doing something i shouldnt be doing. ARGH. then stupid AK GA JIAO ME o.O went to my team's cubicle after that and "miss lois, i got thing tell you!!" then ^^ at me. OMG =x scary haha. stupid mr AK haha.. T.T
IM TIRED :(
and im feeling so mixed up now..
oh well, sometimes it really makes a difference in breaking limitations..
today he told me,
"do you know that in my team youre a hot topic?"
naturally i asked why,
"cos i tell them to learn from you. and even if before i did, they already knew you."
"maybe it's just the way we communicate that make them notice you, just like how your team notices me the same way cos of the same reason."
sometimes it's just too amazing how things happen.
initially, we never said anything,
never talked,
only looked.
it's just those exchange in..
in the lift, along the corridors, no matter where and when,
the look you gave me always seemed to penetrate me totally..
those moments of silence,
uncomfortable..
REALLY, i always kind of freaked out when i saw you.
cos i felt this way and didnt know if you did.
until someone close told me,
"why did he smile when he walk pass us!?"
i looked around, no one else was there besides you and us.
it was a kind of confirmation that you recognized me.
yet what was hidden in that smile?
i never knew,
until you told me,
that you just couldnt help smiling..
it's really such an impossible thing to ever happen to me,
and really,
im glad we've gone further,
and i know you'll help me on along the way.
you may be a distraction,
but youre my motivation..
i love it that youre wherever i am,
somehow you manage to always achieve that..
and i can always see and hear you..
cos you knew i had to hear your voice,
you knew i had to see you.
you knew i had to hear you say hello,
tell me im impressive..
i told of my glory at 9:58 pm
Monday, 14 April 2008
chapter 59:
"it's like youre there,
and it's like youre not there."
i'll live a legacy.. :)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
quarterly seminar today! 3 words to describe:
1. fun (before)
2. enriching (before)
3. WILD :) (during)
what about after? HAPPY. cos mr jimmy sent me home in his AWWWWW, AWESOME bmw xD YAY!!
so the most interesting event to ME!! x) i was pretty shocked when mr steve came over before the seminar and started talking to me all of a sudden about holding out my hand and i was like HUH? cos i couldnt really hear him amidst the music and confusion in the seminar room. until he said "mr leon will come over later and you hold out your hand okay, it's part of the act. okok?" *stunned for a few seconds, before i said oh okay. =x HAHA. oh well. in the end when miss jessie and mr leon entered after being introduced as the hosts he kind of you know, kissed my hand like how those royalty always do. HAHA I PAISEH LAH. but their costumes today were damn nice xD miss jessie as a princess and mr leon as the prince. WOOHOO! damn cool :) and mr leon's a very great host haha, very very humourous! but anyway!! HAHA i held out my hand wrong direction cos mr leon was standing too far back HAHA. in the end like so weird position. but ANYWAY, omg lah everyone was like, looking at the hosts and he had to include that act. LOL.
SO ANYWAY, the seminar was fun-
was helping out with the decorations here and there at seminar room :)
yesterday: helped miss nurul with the ribbons, helped miss lois with the foundations for the deco. upline was busy blowing away. LOL. blowing balloons luh!
today: helped out in tying balloons for suspended decorations, tidied up the frontstage balloon decos, set the deco for the company motto pillar x) DAMN NICE. haha! saw mr nick do something real weird i think he was paiseh cos i saw HAHA x.X then yea, upline was STILL blowing balloons, plus a few makos came to help. saw mr nick DAMN unglam cos he failed to blow a balloon after trying 3 times LOL. and yea, i kind of improvised on miss lois' idea of tying the balloons for suspended deco to a better and prettier... outlook. haha. but mr steve was pretty annoyed cos the balloons kept blocking the entrance so you know, he had to keep pulling the balloons aside whenever he came in or went out of the room. funniest was when he pulled the balloons damn far away before he went out, but when he came in the balloons were blocking the entrance again. HAHA!! then he was like "eh you put here one ah?" and frowned. LOL. OH WELL. not my fault. no one else faces about that problem =x HAHA. then there were also many people walking in and out =x
enriching-
hearing those awardees speak, WOW. really. msis melissa went on stage like maybe 4 or 5 times. top personal, top manager, top group, PCI achiever, i think that's it? but REALLY, no wonder upline once told me "miss melissa zhai3 lei, she and her downline just the 2 of them, fight and achieve her car incentive!" COOL x) and she's really.. WOW x)
WILD-
cheers went on, mr adrian MALU-ed, screams, shouts, sings x) kind of shook the earth yea.
mr kit was saying about those plans regarding the property investment fund. to build a series of 18 storey houses and all the VE people stay there. i was telling nad that the whole earth there would collapse. HAHA xD VE culture is LOVE :)))
and and and, was talking with mr mengwee outside the seminar hall halfway through the seminar. ARGH. horrid nehneh said he had to talk to me now with an exclaimation mark at the end, so i got gan jiong and ran out of the seminar room. ZZZ. in the end was to tell me about his plans for me and my organisation. HAHA. nehneh. anyway i dont think i missed out on a very interesting speech. LOL.
and something random, when announcing health analysis team promotees, they said that mr S is from SHA. HAHA. in the end at the end of the event when inviting the committee up on stage he said "IM FROM KTA.." LOL. sounded kinda EMO. lol!
HUIFANG IS A VERY HAPPY GIRL TODAY :)))
so she lala-happy-all-the-way-home.. x)
i told of my glory at 11:38 pm
Sunday, 13 April 2008
chapter 58:
when you laugh,
your defenses and pretense are down,
a sort of love is exuded from your laughter,
which makes you extremely nice and special.
there's a reason why i love you so much.
then again, im looking forward to a day when i can look you straight in the eye without absorbing your smile and not feel anxious. LOL x.X
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today was uhh, i dont know. oh well. disappointed. upline says my downline is lost already. upset yes, but not for long. not that it's not a pity, but it's called detachment. i've learnt to look at the positivities amidst the negativities :) attended mr steven's NM know how, followed by a HOR grouping in preparation for tmr's seminar, then helped miss lois with the deco for tmr's seminar. oh man, so excited about tmr's seminar!! xD HAHA. tmr's sem will be held in our seminar hall itself LOL. cant imagine the crowd. WOOHOO! x)
the HOR grouping was pretty fun HAHA. miss zhiying damn cute x) and mr steve and mr boon hock DAMN funny. lol. the few HOR people who were there (less than 50 out of total strength of at least 300 plus?) spread around the whole sem hall and cheered HAHA. neh.. miss jam came beside me and say i very soft. LOL. i cheered very loud le!! MUST SUPPORT HOR CHEER LEADERS x) HOR, HOR, HOR, HOR, HOR, WE ARE THE WARRIORS, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, WE WILL ALWAYS BE THE ONE, HOR!!
and yea, was outside the building with ester today, saw mr AK. *ahems. :) and WOH, damn motivational. i was marvelling over mr dewey's sexy bmw z4 *ahhhh!! then i saw another convertible in front of it. dont know whose it is though HAHA. then mr eric came in his toyota. then i was like "EH? that day he just change merc what! i saw it leh! that day i talking with miss lois here then everyone marvel at it!" then i forgot who, told me "aiyah, he got 2 cars at home!" OMG LAH PLEASE!! ARGHHHH. i want ONE will do! or let me find a rich husband lah lah lah!! WAHAHAHA. here goes me daydreaming again. wait a min, it's nightime already. OH WELL. then appeared mr kit in his bmw and dropping miss sara off there. AWWW. sweet couple xD MOTIVATIONAL LAH. ve group rocks big time HAHA *sounds weird. but oh well!
on a sidenote, i cant understand why some people can never have a clear mind in dealing with matters related to you know, affairs of the heart. please consider your future, consider the other party involved, and please learn to love yourself more. make decisions fair to you, him, and everyone else including your own job in the company. dont jeopardise your future, and his. for he's someone of status.
what an irony im saying all these, but just my 2 cents worth.
SO EXCITED TMR THERE'S SEMINAR x)
AND I MISS 0820 ALREADY!! HAHAHAHA xD
it's just the natural smile which attracts me. or maybe cos youre too sexy and it's lust, like what you insist.. HAHA. x.X
i told of my glory at 10:34 pm
Saturday, 12 April 2008
the same feeling of having to let go really sucks.
yesterday was the j2s last performance with us.
really,
really
sad.
lester's gonna step down.
i told lester i'll miss him.
he said omg.
and he didnt believe me.
HAHA.
T.T
x.X
all sorts of faces.
on a sidenote,
i miss ming kwang!
all his craps,
his tolerance towards my hot-and-cold,
his ability to spread happiness around,
his ability to bring a smile to my face no matter how horrible i feel.
i miss derek!
his kookoonehneh bullshits.
him being so nice to accompany me to study for last yr's midyrs to the extent of he himself not doing well.
i miss 0723.
i miss the time when i was so confused whether to run for house exco.
they made me feel so loved..
i miss those times when i was so happy that my own upline got promoted to become a manager,
yet now it seems so minor.
rmber how i actually got so worried that if i hit BM there's no one to help upline fight car.
WHAT A JOKE.
im still a pathetic marketing executive fighting to prove her worth as an executive.
BLEEEEEEEEEEEEeee.
well,
no wonder i felt i had to go to office yesterday night,
buddy wasnt feeling good.
oh gosh..
i cant believe laziness took over and i didnt go,
i cant believe i felt consoled telling myself i was skipping night training to support weijian and co.,
at least i did something right..
argh,
i hate this feeling of helplessness..
i told of my glory at 11:59 pm
chapter 57:
maybe i've been around too long,
that youre taking me for granted,
thinking i'll always be there no matter what,
thinking im always yours for keeps.
19th february was when everything fell into place,
is a mess,
like a test,
to my own abilities,
not to fall apart,
not to give up,
not to lose faith..
time to really start letting go i guess,
im letting go bit by bit..
it's called detachment..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today was a really weird day. recruited tammy, then went for lunch at passion, then pei-ed nic to mrt station for lunch, came back, did a recruitment for mr mengwee, then crapped abit and left.
FEEL GUILTY :( i whacked mr mengwee just now. though i canot rmber what he said to make me do that.
and he's damn evil :( always suan me, so i say i dont care about what he says cos it isnt even his turn to suan me, and he said he's gonna ask mr S to come infront of my face and say "***!" :( BAD LEH HIM. then still say i will wail like mad and bang my head against the wall. HAIIS. mr mengwee is such a lovely CA to have x.X
and really, i think i kept disappearing from office today. each time mr mengwee called i'd be "*O.O ARGHHHHH.." but nevertheless, think mr mengwee prepared to scold me tmr cos today was real slack-ish for me. HAHA. :(
how the hell am i going to hit my manager position with such a slack-shit attitude?
F*CK..
再给我两分钟
让我把记忆结成冰
别融化了眼泪的妆化了
要我怎么记得
记得你让我忘了吧
记得你叫我忘了吧
你说你会哭不是因为你在乎
still not detached..
i told of my glory at 10:10 pm
chapter 56:
YOU were always my biggest secret,
yet YOU were always left aside in my mind.
NEVER the first priority,
since you have never once placed me first,
or anywhere near first.
how disappointing..
probably the first time today,
and maybe the last.. x.X
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today was really really hectic.
chem test was a blast. HAHA. i find it pretty much manageable, just that i got careless at some point and tikam for one MCQ question. but i should be able to safely pass :) maybe get a C? HAHA. i hope for the best.
got back PW results and i got a B :) HAHA. same as the rest of my group. DAMN happy please haha dont get C i already WOOHOO!! x)
so just now had CO performance, and ny got talent. so proud of our CO people! weijian lester yiling tedson and jessly, ESPECIALLY LESTER!! x) his beatbox GOT STYLE SEH :) they won the most entertaining award with the highest number of votes!! YAYYYY!! xD
on my part, i kind of did something A*AL. played that stupid end note a little too loudly and got freaked out. lucky it was the end of the song already. and mr chia weijian our lovely conductor's conductor baton flew off halfway through the song. OH WOW. haha!! DOES THIS HAPPEN TO EVERY CONDUCTOR?? but anyways, i felt that the whole orchestra played well, really. there's the feeling, and even when we ALMOST screwed up everyone paid enough attention to our beloved conductor to actually step through the mistake. I LOVED THAT, really! it was really all thanks to the same person who ALWAYS never fails to screw the whole orchestra up somehow, but lucky weijian was calm enough to keep us going on without making the mistake obvious HAHA. but siew hon and kaili said that gaohu is OWNAGEEEE haha! cos the mic was between me and lester and we were DAMN loud LOL. so imba. NOT MY FAULT :) but yea, synergy 2008 was fun, really xD
didnt go to office for night training in the end cos im dead tired and my left thigh was !#%*)$*^(%*# aching. leg almost cramped on stage during the performance LAH. T.T so i decided against going to office in my court shoes and went for dinner with CO people at chompchomp after synergy. FUN-NESS.
weijian and i were giving everyone NAMES when we were walking out of the school.
there's already the "nehneh ghost" which is weijian,
so when he accidentally used his daruan to hit my leg he INSISTS he hit my uhh, sensitive part below. LOL. so im called the "byebye ghost". then somehow somehow, there came "cutecute ghost", "kuku ghost" and more. HAHA. laughed like crazy please.
had macs at serangoon garden in the end cos chompchomp didnt have place for like uhhhh, 15 people? LOL. and zhiwen did so many things unglam. for example, the button from her pants, UHHHH. *zhiwen you know what i mean x) and the way she stuck out her tongue full of food. YUCK. HAHA. just so like zhiwen to be so unglam HAHA JOKING LAHHH x) HAHAHS.
oh well, that's how crazy the CO people are, and yea, no matter where i go i meet people equally crazy like me. class, CO, nyjc xD
TMR TAMMY IS COMING TO MY OFFICEEEEEE!!
WE'RE GONNA BE RICH TAITAIIIIIISSS IN FUTUREEE!!
HAHA!!
i told of my glory at 12:29 am
Thursday, 10 April 2008
chapter 55:
those days of not being there
those days of being there
what's there
and what's not?
life's such an irony,
im falling apart.
piece me back, please..
you knew i was looking.
you saw me look.
i also saw you look.
cos i knew you were looking.
yet it's all eye power.
when,
when will you start?
start it all,
all over again..
the process..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
0820 is totally crazy. they got their pw groupings today and the guys almost died laughing, especially chin kiong who wasnt even involved in pw, cos he laughed till he CRIED. hahaa. crazy class. miss tan also laughed along, that's the funniest thing. sometimes i really wonder if my classmates are normal. haha! cos really!! laugh till omg lah!! xD plus plus plus, i give due respect to my subject tutors. bitchybimbotic lets-give-him-this-name-of-PAULine told me to shut up in class today. the class was secretly cursing him. HAHA. cos after that when we were in the toilet everyone was like "YAH LOR WAH HE AH!! WHAT 'SHUT UP! DONT MAKE ME ANGRY!' HAHAHAHA!!" zijie has conflicts with chem teachers. i have conflicts with GAYSbitchesBIMBOS. hello there's a tolerance level there too. tammy thinks PAULine didnt have a great night yesterday that's why he didnt praise me in class today. HAHA. splendid. best tutor of this year= miss tan ML, chem tutor and CT. thank goodness for her, really. she makes chem fun and makes crashing-pw fun. cos of the high level of humour within the class i guess. sucha mental class with an equally hilarious CT. oh man!!
tmr's pw results HA. im gonna be superwoman tmr.
lessons till 3.30pm,
pw results release at 3.30pm,
go home bathe and pack stuff,
be back in college and all ready by 5.30pm.
mental, REALLY.
AND THERE'S CHEM TEST TMR!! omg im REALLY REALLY excited. for the first time in my life im looking forward to a chem test HAHA. i know im gonna pass cos i did my work and studied enough for it! AND TMR THERE'S 1 AND A HALF HOUR FOR ME TO DO MORE TYS PRACTICE!! omg i really must be mental. haha. think everyone must be shocked to hear me say this? HAHA. but let me tell you,
IM GONNA SCORE FOR THIS TEST!!
i dont care man, i better do well with a C!! (hey that's a great start okay, i never once got anything higher than U for chem last year!!)
AND AND AND, i feel so wise. HAHA.
today i told a friend,
"if we cant change their thinking to suit ours such that we be happy, then change our own thinking to make ourselves happier."
HAHAH im not da dao li-ing. it's just something i learnt from "HAPPINESS NOW" the book that mr steven recommended!! :) i told her to just heck lah just heck lah but somehow i knew it wouldnt make a difference, cos if it happened to me i'd be equally miserable. but after saying that sentence i knew i made a difference :)
congrats huifang, you're one step higher in knowledge and much wiser!! it's called self-recognition!! xD
i've been really happy today!! x)
on a sidenote, maybe not that happy. i kind of miss him. really. when was the last time i saw him, talked to him? when was the last time we went out and had fun? when was the last time we walked that familiar stretch of road, when did you last miss my presence? when you last questioned your loneliness cos i wasnt there. stop complaining. you didnt cherish me enough when i was around for you. now things have changed and im an independent person, no longer under your shadow, no longer feel like before, no longer gotta go home late cos of you, no longer have to feel lonely without you.. those times when everyone knew i was around because of you, i was always there for you, always there waiting for you, always there no matter where you were. but now forget all that please.. cos you have disappointed me too much..
i told of my glory at 9:24 pm
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
chapter 54:
ARGH.
a lack of physical presence,
a day of questions,
total dilemma.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
firstly, co was crazy today. haa. cos me, weijian and zhiwen were laughing way like crazy idiots at the nehneh ghost thing. lol. stupid weijian lah that weirdo!! HAHA. but yea, real funny peeps (:
on the other hand, bit more contrasting feelings. mr jimmy spoke out my feelings today. haha. pretty obviously true, but im not giving up on him. he may choose to not care about me, not show any concern towards me, speak to me like im not related to him in any way, but i know it's cos he's still learning.
maybe you can say im forgiving,
maybe you can say im being stupid.
today when i borrowed a lightbulb for him from taurus cos he didnt manage to borrow one from anyone else, he didnt say thanks. im okay really. but others see this as a problem.
to put it crudely, im kind of used to it that when he's busy he'll forget me.
to put it nicely, i forgive cos we're all still learning.
i always emphasize alot on the fact that we're all still in the learning process. but how much do we really learn? who learns and who doesnt? i see everyone around me change.. from an arrogant person to a person so approachable and wise, from a chao ah beng to a person so matured and amiable. yet it takes time..
im willing to wait to see the change in us.
just like how im waiting for the day to come when you'll finally REALLY praise me, acknowledge me, care about me..
it's really about the emotional factor when dealing with girls.
you need to understand what i expect and what i can give.
maybe it's because im the first to begin with,
i've been through the really tough periods,
that's why im still here today,
and independent cos you know i'll be able to handle it alone.
but no one's an emotion expert.
we accept one another for who we are :)
i know how you feel at times through other means.
other managers,
coffee sessions,
random chats with managers in the lifts,
car achievers really know the best.. x)
IM LOOKING FORWARD TO FRIDAY!! x)
saw something random but interesting :)
"love is not to forget but to forgive, not to see but to understand, not to hear but to listen, not to let go but to HOLD ON !!
don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like,
because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.
find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
who calls you back when you hang up on him.
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
who holds your hand in front of his friends.
wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you
and how lucky he is to have you.
wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's my girl..'"
i told of my glory at 11:08 pm
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
chapter 53:
i saw you look,
i saw you turn,
i was glad,
yet nothing more to that.
how
sometimes i hate you for you. HAHA :)
miss lois always tells me,
fight for what i want.
if i love that guy, dont wait to see if he loves me.
fight for him, make him realise that i love him.
ahaha! x)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
damn. today after school ended at 12.30pm i received a call from the beloved mr ang mengwee. oh man. he asked me to cab down (he'd pay) to office to do a recruitment for him cos he wasnt feeling well. T.T EHHHH, havent gone home to bathe yet please! (I HATE NOT CHANGING WHEN I HAVENT BATHED!) then cabbed down and it was raining heavily. omg. i HATE turning up in office in full uni. zzz. then in the end chiong down also must wait for rain to stop before the recruit could come over. then did pp, did business plan (woohoo!) and waited with clara to settle the mess. cos apparently someone had contacted her for a job orientation also. and she didnt know we're from the same company haha. oh well. turned out to be a guy from mako. and he asked shiyong to help him take over, so i spoke to shiyong about it and he was okay. HAHA :) yayyyy.
and and and, omg. i feel so proud of my own business plan today HAHA. *being thick-skinned. but clara was REALLY pretty clear about what i'd talked about. i guess it all boils down to confidence. cos i felt i really could talk easily with her, maybe that's where my confidence came from haha. :) and i feel that my bp today was real neat HAHA. feels so much like a manager all of a sudden lol.. *dreaming away. *SNAPS BACK TO REALITY* okay where was i. alright so today uh, oh well. wasted alot of time travelling around. HAIIS. thanks luh mr mengwee x.x AND YAYYY TAMMY'S GONNA COME MY OFFICE ON SATURDAYYYYY HAHAHAHHAHA :))) finally a natural recruitment omg im damn happy.
i wanna hit manager so badly.
i wanna wear blazer so badly.
i wanna hear his praise.. most badly..
i wanna hear him tell me i've done well..
every small gesture means so much to me.
even just upline's reply of "ok good" makes me feel more noticed.
maybe it's cos he's been so taken up with franklyn that i feel so.. alone?
oh well.
im gonna miss franklyn. really.
he's been a nice sideline.
he's going for ns the day after tmr.. :(
ns takes away the best friends :(
upline always tells me, "success depends on yourself."
and yesterday he told me "tmr i wont be in but you ownself come and do calling okay"
i did.
i really did.
though i only spent around an hour doing serious calling,
i know i did things right today.
i convinced, i presented, i called, i tried.
i worked.
i know i really did.
no regrets.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
on a sidenote, again you show your neglect towards such a serious issue.
we dont know how to help you if you wont help yourself.
boy, we mean well.
really.
we're not treating you like a baby.
youre just like a baby to us.
really.
it's the responsibility.
it's not obligation.
it's concern.
it's friendship..
when i can i stop worrying about you..
everyday im looking out for you,
wondering where you are,
are you out there doing what you ought not to again?
have you had your lunch?
are you feeling okay today?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
what are regrets? really.
what are they for?
have you ever considered?
regrets..
i dont want to have any regrets.
what if tmr i cant go back to venture era?
what if tmr i cant see him anymore?
what if tmr he doesnt turn up?
what if..
so many what ifs in our lives.
so i will seize every moment,
love those i love,
cherish those i cherish,
care for those whom i care for.
so who cares if mr mengwee keeps disturbing me with the "SS" "SS" "SS" all the time?
if i want him, i'll fight for what i want.
i told of my glory at 10:27 pm
Monday, 7 April 2008
today was really fish-ed up. went to school at 9am only to find out that there's no GP. so break from 9-10.30am. what's worse is that 10.30-12pm is chinese and i have break again, followed by a half hour break. 12.30-1.30pm there's chem lect, and that's all there is to today's timetable. so in conclusion, i went to school for a 3 and a half hour break, and followed by 1 hour of chem lect ONLY. %*#)(!*(^*$@. okay.
then slideshow, sat beside mr zhiliang and the mako people. cos i went in late after talking with jiawei's mom and i couldnt sit with the taurus people. oh well. mr zhiliang damn high one lah please LOL. in fact, the mako people. haha. badge presentation and results announced by mr alex instead of slideshow. mr jimmy got top manager and top personal sales :) but still no top 5 bgm group. ARGH. and we lost the associate challenge again. omg man. WHY??! :( but never mind, still got april.
and met shiyong in the lift today, he asked how many LV im left with. he's left with 16000++ LV and he told me, next month we go up wear blazer together.. i hope he doesnt bluff me.. i really need people to fight alongside with.. everytime im in office, i see him. i can see he's fighting too. so i hope.. yes.. cos there's also only swee siang and nic who are also fighting everyday.. those others.. all... i dont know, they've kind of like lost hope? cos i see more and more MEs dropping out of the fight.. those who promised, wear blazer on stage together.. all...... okay, it's down to the 4 of us then. im motivated yea :)
and im really really feeling damn annoyed with money money money. why did things happen this way? now there's the weird feeling between us just because of the issue of money. mr mengwee talked to me about money today. not that he randomly did. but cos really, i begin to see things differently. is this the feeling of being treated like a manager? i get to see the ugly side of people? i get to see worries of the 34th CA? i get to see the internal conflicts of red falcon? but really, sometimes i feel so helpless when i cant help mr mengwee with such a small thing. he helped me so so so much along the way. really. i believe he did even more than my own upline. though i know he'll never read this, but really. he's always been my pillar of support and the one i turn to for advice ever since he became a car achiever and my own upline started becoming busy with his other downline(s).. it's maturity really, which makes me look up to him. really happy to see him today after not having seen him for so many days :)
and i'll walk on,
cos i know im not alone.
at some point i may stop,
but i know you'll be there to lead me along..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i know im on the right track.
im gonna do well in the tests this week.
maths, chem,
TESTS CAN BE CONQUERED WITH HARD WORK :)
fight on huifang!! (: chapter 52: if i wish for you, would i get you for my birthday, SCM? says:
i really need to do well this year
[ ZJ ] 2008 says:
u wake up ler
[ ZJ ] 2008 says:
:D
thanks friend! x)
i told of my glory at 11:31 pm
chapter 52:
i told you i'd never get close,
i told him i'd never give you a chance.
i told myself i'd never even try to delve deeper.
i told her i'd never get into any contact with you.
but..
never...
just cos you said you wanna do something meaningful while you can..
that you wanna help me find what i want in life..
that you wanna be there for me when im down..
that you wanna change the world for me...
bit emotional really,
but well.
i wont give up today,
cos i dont want to pray for tmr's existence.
i wont take today for granted,
cos i dont want to regret tmr that i never cherished today.
today may have be a day of unhappiness,
may have been a day of uncertainties.
tmr holds no clear picture,
remains just an illusion.
we cant tell what will happen tmr,
so care for your loved ones,
really.
tell them you love them,
tell them you care for them.
tell them how you feel.
they may not reciprocate your feelings.
but make them known,
before you regret.
why i say this,
is cos of a chat i had with a manager today.
really to cherish the present..
there's this moment of passion now,
a moment of craze,
a moment of overwhelming heat.
but when i am a manager,
he may not be my boyfriend,
even when i am a car achiever,
he may not be mine.
when i am a bgm,
he may not be by my side.
and when i am a successful businesslady,
he may not be my husband.
but at least,
i can then tell him,
hey,
youve been my motivation all along.
ever since i was a marketing executive,
ever since i had the CS with you.
cos each time i see him,
i want to fight.
and i remember what miss lois says,
he's aggressive.
that's how he succeeds.
he never says he's sian.
he never says no mood.
he never stops.
i may slack off.
but i dont forget what i want.
which is to prove myself to you,
that i am a REALLY good marketing executive.
and i'll be an outstanding manager,
just to catch up with you.
and to show you,
that i can.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
on the other hand,
SCM NEVER fails to motivate me
cos each time i see him,
i want to chase and catch up with him.
im gonna be an outstanding manager,
an outstanding car achiever.
i'll show him i am strong,
i am not any typical executive in the office.
i am ON MY OWN!! x)
i told of my glory at 10:03 pm
Sunday, 6 April 2008
and i almost forgot.
im glad for derrick that he has finally hit his SE position. HAHA. stupid kookoo waited till yesterday then his aunt came down to sign for the cal*. hahahs. but nevertheless, waiting for him to ME fast, then fight MM then all go on stage wear blazer together!! YAYYY (:
better catch up with me,
FAST! :)))
AIYAH SURE NO PROBS ONE, COS HE GOT A DAMN SOLID LAODA WHO WILL GUIDE HIM ALL THE WAY ONE. I KNOW IT!! HAHAHAHHAHA!!
*oops. biasness? no doubt xD
i told of my glory at 11:46 pm
chapter 51:
SCM,
the day i cry
when im in your arms
you'll know that im really giving up..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
the 5 golden rules are around to be broken,
dont you think so?
it just goes to show who are the rebellious ones,
dont you think so?
how pleasantly ironical..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
miss lois did the numerology test using my birth date today to determine my character today. quite true leh! HAHA. split personality (at this point, mr joseph said HAHA HUIFANG IS SIAO ONE!), dependent yet craves freedom, loves being on stage, breaks promises at times, goes for minor details (miss lois said it's the same as her, miss jasmine, miss jessie, e lady bgms. so i said im gonna be a bgm soon HAHA!) and also will be a successful lady in future (HAHA! bgm soon!) okay that was nice. haha. alot more but i forgot le. and an hour later, mr ivan came by and asked "HELLO HUIFANG! do you believe in numerology?" haha too bad mr ivan, miss lois just did it already. hahahs. and he went around asking everyone sia! LOL. HAT class is so fun, get to learn this kinda stuff! :) oh well, gotta wait for the july batch before i can attend basic class already.. :(
anyway, taurus went out to chiong surveys today. haha. meijuan and yanru asked me if i wanted to go haha. but in the end i didnt go with them cos i was lazy. but their survey marathon is damn cool ha!
so today was only me and mr jimmy at office when i reached, then after we had our lunch james came, and then when miss lois came, they left. so all the while it was me there. OH WELL. get used to it. where's upline? where's mr mengwee? oh well.
FIGHT LAH :)
on the bus i thought of SCK cos i saw someone who was doing the same thing as he did. OH WELL. kind of emo. i did my best to hide my emotions but somehow my tears just dropped. i miss him alot man. oh well. he's the best brother i ever had and i havent seen him face to face since one week ago. really.. i miss him so.
i told of my glory at 8:22 pm
Saturday, 5 April 2008
chapter 50:
i don't wanna be so shy
every time that i'm alone i wonder why
hope that you will wait for me
you'll see that you're the only one for me
i wanna believe in everything that you say
cos it sounds so good
but if you really want me, move slow
there's things about me you just have to know
try hiding things from me,
I'LL STILL FIND OUT :)
cos now i know
SCM HAHAHAHA YOU LOSE :)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
co day camp was totally crazy. in the team of zhi wen and weijian, i cant say i remember im sick. really. they were damn crazy. we ran during shi zi lu kou, ate and came up with stupid ideas like LAT jiao (la jiao= chilli) and they laughed their butts off at the joke i told them about "ah ha gei wo yi bei wang qing shui" OH WELL. ming kwang, casper, julian, samantha, michelle and siew hon came back and yea, ming kwang's still as funny as ever :) he took lester's violin and tried to strum it like how he always uses the zhongruan to "yesterday.. all my troubles fade away.." HAHA :) and then realised how much i miss those seniors who used to always crap and make us laugh. cos after all, we chiong-ed for SYF 2007 together. the bond is there.. and i laughed at ming kwang cos i said he became darker. then he said derek looks like a malay HAHA. oh well. i havent seen derek like 9648295489677396 years already :( stupid kukunehneh lah always never come to our co events.. oh well..
my day just past like that :(
so some additional thoughts really,
sometimes, really. there's this thing known as unconditional concern. really. mind kept drifting off today. it's not called commitment. it's called concern.
sometimes i can never understand why i care for some particular people THAT much. it really amazes me.
drinking and smoking aggravates the situation and whats worse is that he dont care.
maybe it's cos it's difficult to find someone who really understands,
thats why i care.
sometimes it's better not to think too much. someone once asked me if im close with him to get to someone else.
not at all.
if i wanted to get close to the someone else, let me tell you. i have the courage to approach him myself.
i've approached him for appointment already. and he's talked to me about it. what's next?
but really, i guess it's curiosity which pushes me to probe further into the condition, and care for a friend.
now, really,
faced with too many expectations to meet.
i just need a listening ear you know.
having to cope with the jc curriculum and at the same time maintain my momentum to fight for my future,
it gets tiring..
mr mengwee mentioned to me before,
if im tired,
he's worse off. cos he always has to take the shit after we do something wrong or whatever our thoughts are.
i've realised.
that's how a person grows,
really.
so tmr there's SA. downline's. i have no choice but to go though im supposed to be damn damn sick and not turn up in office. and i cant talk well without coughing like some deadly-disease carrier. lucky upline told me mr mengwee's coming with me tmr :)
life is about creating.. miracles..
i told of my glory at 10:34 pm
chapter 49:
ARGH.
im still waiting HAHA.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
coughing like what the fish. seriously i think im gonna spoil my throat soon haha. i can never understand how idol can smoke and sing. ehhs, no link haha never mind. was coughing like crazy in school and it got worse through the day. ha. look at the time now.
OH GOSH.
and anyway, mr jimmy seemed pretty shocked yet calm when me, him and mr steve were at the lift lobby and mr steve talked to me about the follow appointment de HAHA. oh well. i wanna learn from more managerssssssssss especially good ones :) HAHA.
AND I MISSED OUT ON A CHANCE TO GO APPOINTMENT ON MY OWN. COS MISS JAM ASKED ME TO HELP HER DOWNLINE'S RELATIVE APPOINTMENT TMR BUT I CANT GO COS MY DAMN THROAT ISNT ALLOWING ME TO!! :(((
so, and just now, mr jeremy the car achiever was being damn funny. cos longjun says he wanna get an english name. then me and him were suggesting damn funny names for him, until mr jeremy came up with "ong bak" so longjun will become "ong bak long" HAHA. damn funny. mr jeremy and i really laughed like nuts and upline pointed middle finger at him lol.
didnt want to come home at first. but was too sick to stay out. HAIIS.
and my mom's nagging away just cos i came home. maybe if i didnt come home she wouldnt nag HAHA.
IM F TIRED LAH LAZY TO BLOG MORE.
i told of my glory at 2:31 am
Thursday, 3 April 2008
chapter 48:
everytime i see you,
everytime you look over,
everything seems so right
i call that convincing power,
charm,
character.
theres a reason why i take such a risk.
TOMORROW!! :)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
so today. stupid weather. rained like what the F. i ran from the bus stop to the first block. omg so paiseh cos i ran past wen bin. lol. the extra polite guy from taurus. then i walked through the blocks and met mr jinghui there! HAHA he was stuck there too. then we waited, waited, waited for the stupid dumb dumb rain to be uhh, less threatening. and saw mr nick with wen bin. HAHA. mr nick seemed like he was gliding please. LOL. then in the end JH said to call mr jimmy to bring umbrella over for us HAHA. then he sent james over :) YAY. still reached office wet like some stupid wet fish. HAHA. then didnt do much luh. upline is still forever like that. i've learnt to accept him for who he is. as in the way he talks and such. as what miss lois said, no one is perfect. and, i havent talked to mr mengwee about plannings for a couple of days already. kind of miss his bullshitting. lol!
i cant believe i actually told derrick about how stupid i am to confuse myself with the people in the management team and greet them wrongly.. T.T omg. tmr i might not blog. cos im gonna ton outside. HA. i die die dont wanna come home. cos anyway saturday there's "camp" early in the morn. so why bother waking up early? dont sleep lah. HAHA.
and yea, co "camp" is on saturday.
msg-ed him to inform him about it and he said "what the?!?! like that also called camp?!" cos this year's is a day camp. haha.
he says he'll come if he can bookout.
but hey senior.
i really miss you alot.
cos he was always there as support.
regardless of in co,
in studies,
in everything, really.
he was always there to take care of me x)
though there were times when almost,
really,
it doesnt matter.
it's the true friendships which count.
and times,
when i felt so down,
he never failed to brighten up my day with a msg or a smile.
it's alright,
i'll look back at those fun times we had,
times when we mugged and got distracted,
times when we crapped and talked about everything under the sun,
times when i listened to your teacher talk about you,
times when really,
i felt really happy :)
but now youre gone for the moment,
this kind of fits the mood im in now..
"When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you"
i told of my glory at 11:09 pm
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
chapter 47:
CHANGE FOCUS!!
now the focus,
is on huifang to hit MM,
and for you to do what you ought to (:
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
had a talk with miss lois at office smoking area there today. she's really.. the perfect role model. i realised quite alot from the kind-of-like-CS-talk today. someone does understand me. i know what they expect from me. i know someone knows how i feel. and i finally know how my upline feels. miss lois asked me "if you like that guy alot, will you wait to see if he like you then together or you will fight for what you want?". and she also told me she's aware of the problems in my organisation, and she told me how i can go help solve. cos in this case, she and mr mengwee and upline cant intervene. inspired and finally understand. so i'll try my best no matter what. and appointments... OMG she found out about my
AND! somehow everytime i see mr mengwee and miss lois i will want to fight. they're people i really respect alot. alot alot. :) and yea, mr mengwee really motivates me haha! cos i see the change in him, and i want others to see the change in me! so i wanna learn from him!
and my upline, miss lois said we are both still learning to be leaders. so i hope i can help him and he can help me along. i really really want to do well in VE because i know i want to and i want to and i want to and HAHAHAH!! okay. im in a very good mood today. and i never mentioned this before, but i really really hope upline will stay all the way. cos miss lois' upline and upupline left. i really hope those managers in falcon will stay on and see me change from a 17 year old goal-less teenager into a matured car achiever!! especially upline, who brought me in and got me started on this trade. (: YAYYY.
so yea, i also realised i need to be scolded by SOMEONE i RESPECT before im able to drive on harder.
today during pe, i stopped on the third round. i told miss yap i had a stitch. it wasnt so bad, i was just lazy. she shouted back for me to run on. press and run on. FCK. never mind. i just ran. and somehow, i finished the 5 rounds even though i told myself i was lazy and told myself i WOULDNT finish those 5 rounds cos i hadnt ran since what seemed like 5353891085 days ago. HAHA. thanks to jeanette my pacer for the first 3 rounds and elaine whom i ran with for the 4th and 5th round :) we didnt have a spoken agreement. jeanette just motivated me like that, i dont know how. and i got elaine to run on, and we finished the run together :) i know i couldnt have done that if i was with any others. it may not be a great distance for you, but 5 rounds for me with a damn fcking dry throat like i was about to die was an achievement, especially when i didnt stop at all for the first three months. but now the overexertion takes a toll on me. my right shoulder has been aching since afternoon.
and anyway, i find something's going wrong with my body. maybe it's due to the improper lunching hours with falcons. lunch is always after 4pm and dinner is never before 8pm. HAHA. and even lunch and dinner combined at 6 or 7 plus. today i only ate mee goreng at 10am, ate cup noodles at 3pm and thats all i ate today. omg seh. and i dont feel hungry. thats the main point. not on a diet lah fck you haha. but i just dont feel like eating and i dont feel hungry. SERIOUS! oh well.
and saw the OMGWTFBBQ-CHIO BMW Z4 haha cos mr dewey arrived when we were at smoking area!! LOL. and mr eric changed car. changed to a E class maroon merc. DAMN nice. and i DONT KNOW why mr eric is so interested in finding out what fish i used during the falcon bbq HAHA cos miss lois kept asking me what's the name of the fish haha. OH WELL. it's not the fish that's special! IT'S COS IT WAS PREPARED BY MEEEEE HAHAHHHA!!
ok nutcase.
im off to do my own planning again (: I WILL FIGHT FOR MY OWN FUTURE (:
so i do what i think is right!!
but of cos with consultation with miss lois!! YAYYYYY!!
im still anxiously waiting for the appointment,
the one special appointment (:
im still learning,
from everyone including you.
love the heart that hurts you,
but never hurt the heart that loves you..
i told of my glory at 9:21 pm
time for a late night emo reflection again..
the session with miss lois remains very fresh in my mind.
the main reason,
miss lois told me that upline didnt want me to follow him on appointment cos of a reason i never thought would ever occur to him.
and i realised we're all human after all.
regardless of car achiever,
biz group manager,
marketing executive,
we all have this- fear.
all the way to a biz manager,
upline missed out on alot.
cos he's a 2 month biz manager.
miss lois said it's not always because he doesnt want to teach me.
it's because he himself doesnt know.
he stil doesnt know how to be perfect in this line.
no one is perfect.
we're all learning.
but yet me being me,
saw the problem amplified by a million times and treated it as major.
it was just a small problem.
miss lois questioned him regarding the incident on him not wanting me to follow him on appointment.
he meant it as a joke.
i didnt see it as one.
it was all about communication.
if you just told me in a less serious tone "no",
i'd know it's a joke.
but upline,
im a girl.
girls being girls, miss lois said, are very emotional and read alot into things.
why?
cos she herself was once like that too.
i think it's really depressing that i have to know how my upline feels by this way.
im glad there's miss lois, of cos.
cos she really puts things right no matter what.
upline, i just need you to tell me sometimes..
cos i would never have known all these if not for her..
my downline, downdownline etc..
theyre really negative at times.
but because im always in office and they aren't,
i let go of things and i see new things.
they remember what they saw.
and dont let go.
upline,
sometimes im just trying to help..
miss lois has said it.
im learning to be a leader.
i know im learning.
and i know upline's learning.
i really really hope he'll see the change in me as i see changes in him.
like what mr mengwee mentioned is the latest CS,
"if he sees youve matured, he also has no choice but to mature already."
i really want us to all grow together.
upline, downline, downdownline etc etc,
all get promoted together,
fighting for what we want.
i really really hope that when im celebrating my car incentive,
im with you.
you.
you.
the same people i see now,
plus my future expansion of organisation :)
but of cos,
if im not lost.
as miss lois mentioned,
we dont know when who will be lost.
i've shown,
im sticking with you through this 3 months.. :)
no matter what i'll do my best.
and to all,
towards my goal,
i've started.
have you?
on a sidenote, i was listening to sometimes by britney spears and somehow felt.. emo..
no no no, that isnt because i was thinking of upline. this song's lyrics are just.. too descriptive.
"Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time
Just hang around and you'll see
There's nowhere I'd rather be
If you love me, trust in me
The way that I trust in you"
i told of my glory at 12:12 am
Tuesday, 1 April 2008
chapter 46:
what a great laugh
at the stupidity of simple break ups.
cos you were always mine
all for me
so much that i felt it wasnt enough
ever felt like you'd been given all that could have been and still feel inadequate?
cos you always give me the chance to whine
to request
to demand
yet to lose..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
day today was really great. 4 recruitments tmr though i dont know if all will turn up. but anyway, finally start asking about following manager on appointments. as in other team's managers. HAHA. taken the first step. just waiting to see what he says. prays hard i can go on appointment with him to learn :) but he hasnt replied. argh. he told his downline to tell me to msg him and gave me his number. but he was at the movies when i msg-ed him. haha. PAISEH PLEASE. but oh well, he hasnt replied.
next try, thinking about who to approach.
break limitations..
college life is great, class is as crazy as ever, i love their nonsense as much, especially the soya cow, soya milk, and soya bean crapps with jeanette the cow and tammy the dinosaur. what more can i ask for other than a great class, a great civics tutor, a great cca with great buddies and really, i love them lots. they never fail to make me smile in college and study without much worries. oh well, maybe a worry over tutorials i owe, that is. haha.
and really, im holding on to what i have..
i swear im gonna follow the planning i did for myself today. hell. it's damn foolproof and either i hit MM this month, or i get a fcking fat paycheque.
i told of my glory at 10:14 pm