Tuesday, 1 May 2007
boo. i just couldnt get to sleep when nyco and his images found their way into my mind. ppl, no need to read on.
i miss him. all of a sudden.
he promised to call me in march. whr'd he go? he promised we'd go out in april. it's the end of april alr. whr'd he go? forgotten me? i duno. so many ppl rmbr u. yet how many do u rmbr? i look into my past at zhco. u're a clear image. the centralised character standing next to me. u were as much as my pillar of support in zhco. yet whr r u now. i came to ny. with u in my mind. yet u disappoint me by dropping out. u disappoint me by avoiding ALL of us zhco huqins. yet u appear in my life again this april.
STUPID SENIOR.
u left me at ny with no one else but ming kwang. how nice can tt b? thinking u'd b thr to protect me, to care for me, to take me higher. u nvr did tt for me in ny. it was just ming kwang. do u really think ming kwang will b able to do all tt? it would bcm an obligation if he did all that. n im not worth all tt. y'd he want to do all these for u. just bcos u left he has to tk over? as wad u told me? no. i dont c the need for him to. if u can b replaced tt easily, i'd happily have gone on to some other fucking lousy college n suffer thr like some miserable shit n lag bhind all my hw. then get to know a new guy who will replace u. then u r permanently out of my life.
cant believe im actually thinking of u, looking back at the past when im supposed to appreciate wad i have now. i dont care wad others say. i dont even want to care wad my mom said abt u recently. so wad if u've chgned. im sure i stil feel the same. it's just like those idiots who once made our relationship sound so horrible when we were just more than gd frens. nvr a couple. can u really just forget our past just like tt?
can we just go out tgt one more time, just like we used to in the past, aftr sch.
rmbring how we used to go to ur house for no good reason but just gg for the sake of gg.
i miss the past too much.
im grateful for the fact tt u introduced ming kwang to me b4 u left me thr.
he's been a great fren. a great snr. plus those great snrs of nyco. u were right. ny's the right choice.
but whr'd u go?
u left ny. u left me.
in pursue of ur future. i wanted to tk a route like u. but i shant now. nyjc's the place to b.
whr great snrs mk college life meaningful.
ming kwang, luo jun, derek, kaiwen, sun yu, ley ying, kok teng, xiang feng, wing yan, samantha etc etc.
great ppl who mk co so enjoyable.
mk me feel motivated. mk me sad. mk me happy. reasons for me to smile n yet reasons for me to cry.
complicating relationships, numerous scandals, much forgiveness n some misunderstandings.
many jokes, much laughter n so much more love.
i appreciate all these.
1o days later, wil u b thr to watch us?
n 1o days ltr, the snrs...
ming kwang-nvr fails to b understanding towards us when we meet any problems. a great joker who can keep me laughing always. walk-to-main-road kaki n can nvr fail to mk me laugh all the way out. chases away all the boredom n the haunted darkness. his presence can nvr go unnoticed. all thanks to junru tt i know him since last yr june. all thanks to his calculator too. my cutest senior. most charming senior.
luojun-first time so impressed by someone. totaly idolism. kpo! but funny at times n nice enough to inform me abt my lost mickey mouse. started on the wrong foot, rectified by him. all thanks tt thr isnt the awkwardness arnd.
derek-always thr to lend a listening ear. though most of the time it was nvr intended i wana tel him. but he's one who i can really convey to. also a walk-to-main-road kaki who always has choc pocky or peanut butter mnms in which mnms is my fave esp peanut butter n i can like just down half a pack when we're walking out n he dont bother. a really nice senior to have n to tickle. first impression was the nice guy during my dsa who came to talk to me n told me tt thr's nth to b anxious abt.
kaiwen-nice guy i got to know thru the co camp. b4 tt only knew him as the guy who plays suspending cymbals in a unique way. he's cute, he's humorous, he nvr fails to mk me happy n mk me laugh each time i talk to him. always so blurr, blurr in a cute way. looks like mickey mouse, as cute as mickey mouse. co camp was a good experience for me, partly cos of his existence in the 2nd whole day, and night. always so funny n so cute no matter how i look at him.
sun yu-always makes me laugh with her unique language n choice of words. walk-to-main-road kaki too, always thr to mk me laugh. thanks for being such a nicer sister. feels like having an elder sis who cares.
ley ying, kok teng n wingyan-great exco members who nvr fail to mk me feel "at home" at co with their friendliness.
xiangfeng-did not blame me despite me being so impolite at my blog, criticising his skills n such. always thr to crap with me during co despite me being selfish n wanting the seat i've always taken in zh.
n of cos last but not least, doink doink-u mk late nights at college seem like nthg with ur presence n ur encouraging msgs. looking at the mouse is just like looking at u. u mk this period of chionging for syf seem tiring yet enjoyable. u nvr fail to mk me feel better by cheering me up n making me laugh, showing me some love. though the torment of keeping this under wraps is thr, u nvr fail to mk me feel that all these r worthwhile. it's always so touching when ur small gestures mk me feel better under any situation. im sorry i nvr cherished u at the beginning as i thot it wasnt for real. it seemed so unbelievable. but im glad i have u by my side now, supporting me as we hold on tgt.
tts really abt it. i really cant bear to think of co without them.
i told of my glory at 4:48 pm