Friday, 29 February 2008
chapter 13:
the end.
ive decided.
im gonna go on with my life with or without you.
you can be just an additional joy to my life.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i told her.
i said i wouldnt cry for you.
i wouldnt be too into you.
i wont be affected by you.
cos youre just someone i fancy.
but why is it everytime i see you stay till so late with commitments i feel so..
sad.
somehow thinking you'll overwork,
be super tired.
and was so disappointed when i saw cigs in ur possession that i did something stupid.
something stupid.
stupid.
STUPID.
you couldnt possibly be able to guess what i did..
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omg omg omg omg omg. today miss lois INTERROGATED me!! argh. ended up telling her who's the guy i fancy in VE. OH MAN. sucks. ARGHHH. we were talking about doing recruitment, then suddenly she asked WHO I LIKE. omg. then stupid me told her "dont know lei" and she knew from VE le. then she said she want to know if he's WORTH liking. oh man =x a BM, a CA. not a BGM and she said EEYER already. -.- then she went on to further ask and OMG SHE THOUGHT THE ONE I FANCY IS MR JOSEPH GOHHHH. HAHAHHA!! okay that's pretty funny. and when narrowing down to a LCI CA, she said "BU KE NENG
ARGH. i feel so paiseh please. T.T miss lois ah miss lois..
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and now everyone is ALMOST laughing at my laptop password.
scenario 1:
mr boon hock- EH huifang, what's the password of your laptop ahh?
hf- squid story.
mr boon hock- HARRR??!!
hf- squid story. s-q-u-i-d-s-t-o-r-y.
mr boon hock- ahhh. hmm. okay. haha thanks. why so weird one!? squid o.O
scenario 2:
*i went to get my laptop back from mr zhiliang.
mr zhiliang- hey! your password very cute leh haha.
hf- ahh? squid story. haha. oh well..
mr zhiliang- EH WHY SQUID AH NOT SOTONG?!! HHAHAHAH!!
hf- ahh, i like squid mah dont like sotong. hehe.
mr zhiliang- but, SQUID STORY! HAHAHHAHAH :)))
scenario 3:
*THIS HAPPENED DURING A PRESENTATION. at that point of time, HUIFANG was facing 2 agents and 3 recruits.
mr longjun- uhh huifang sorry to interrupt, what's your laptop password?
hf- uhh, squid story. s-q-u-i-d-s-t-o-r-y.
mr longjun- o.O uh oh okay thanks.
*mr LJ turns around and leaves, recruits and agents hide their laughter behind their smiles.
FARKKKK. my laptop password has a meaning behind it okay.
miss lois may ask further tmr. lol! WADEVAR~
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just as a random point, day ended with me and mr mengwee watching doraemon in the office. LOL. watched the nobita's adventure into the magic planet. LOL please. mr jiuyuan came and "WALAO! doraemon!". mr nick came and "HAHA! doraemon!". like WTH lol how often does mr nick actually come into falcon's cubicle o.O ha.
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and today started off pretty badly. early in the day, i saw someone i thought i'd not see again for this part of my life. recalling, sec2, i scolded him when he was playing with B outside my classroom just because his classmates said he like me and i was totally annoyed by those people asking me. sec3, streamed into classes, that corner of the classroom was damn happening. cos there was the bunch of us there, playing with water. fun we had, scoldings we went through. i realised you werent that bad a guy as on the outside. sec4, we went our separate ways. i was really really.. indifferent at that point of time cos i felt, okay, i only have the friendly kind of liking towards you.
but today, seeing you again i felt..
as i reminisce..
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miss lois says,
treat him as a motivation.
cos his recruitment DAMN good one.
OKAY LAH FIGHT ON!
i told of my glory at 11:01 pm
Thursday, 28 February 2008
chapter 12:
i must have been dreaming all this while.
i felt like i'd just woken up from a dream which never would come true.
(i dont know why but i just felt like typing that.)
i thank you for all youve done for me this whole while.
you made me feel like a small girl,
feel like i was some spoilt princess,
felt like i was flying all this while.
and thanks to you,
i've held on for the past 3 days..
and i know i'll be crying if i dont let you go now..
cos when youre gone,
i'll be the one crying..
i've had enough of living in the fear of being found out.
no doubt the thrill,
for you.
but the fear,
for me.
each time my managers say they need to talk to me,
i worry..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
now im really sick..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and i lost the bet with mr mengwee. 2 SAs by the 28th and i have none.. so i treated him to set dinner at passion. oh well. =x talked about this, talked about that. learnt about the past of red falcon, heard about this and that.. and really, now that my upline no longers cares much about my side of his organisation, we've no choice but be closer with mr mengwee le. cos miss lois is always busy with CS, this and that.. mr mengwee will be the only one left who's able to help us..
somehow really appreciate all he's done for us so far.. it was the process of fighting car which changed everything from respect to hatred. but now he's earned that respect back.. mr mengwee, really. thank you.
but somehow i felt like you needed someone to listen..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
mr jeremy asked a VERY VERY cute question today.
"if i want take cash, will the bank have 15k anot ah?"
and, his paycheque was 11k last month when he was fighting his car incentive last stage.
mr steven's was 15k. oh wow..
it's just like how kor asked his teacher why there were no traffic lights on expressways..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today they finished off 2 packets of my gummy =x all thanks to mr mengwee, mr cal, miss lois and mr jimmy o.O LOL. cos mr cal came over to our team's cubicle to talk about.. sales.. and he even suggested me buying it in bulk then selling it at 2bucks per pack in office. smart idea. lol. and omg lah so many people are going off on the 13 march for ns.. mr cal, mr andrew, mr steve, etc etc. wah lucky none from falcon.. otherwise really DAMN sad =(
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today i almost blacked out.
i dont know why.
i suddenly felt spaced out at the lift lobby,
and then the next moment i saw him smoking outside.
you know,
seeing that puff of smoke..
and that smirk on your face..
those eyes of deep truth..
countdown officially starts,
cos not one, not two, but THREE people will be going..
oh well.
i guess it's just gonna hit me a bit harder than when mingkwang and derek went..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
When you're gone
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days felt like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Did you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on my floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Did you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah
All I ever wanted it was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me
Yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of mne
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
watch the mv. it damn it made me cry..
i told of my glory at 10:38 pm
TODAY IS A NEW DAY!
TODAY IS CHAPTER 12!
IM OFF TO CHIONG SOME MORE PRESENTATIONS.
I SHALL BE THE BEST BEST BEST BEST BEST PRESENTER!!!
*omg i must be dreaming. but it's okay, at least i have something to work towards.
DONT GIVE UP!
FIGHT ON HUIFANG!
see the big smile on my face? make a guess if it's genuine or fake.
i told of my glory at 10:22 am
Wednesday, 27 February 2008
chapter 11:
you stupid poser.
you were posing like some superstar at the entrance.
but it's okay,
cos you got the style.
and anyway,
im still wondering,
if i can be that miss huifang.
cos the people move on,
and im still stuck here.
without a clue,
on where im headed for.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
sometimes this journey gets so fraught with difficulties i feel like giving up everything.
i cant be a good
i cant be a good upline.
i cant be a good downline.
i cant be a good
why the
im really tired of fulfilling so many roles.
im tired.
im always there when you all need me.
but where's everyone when i need someone.
have i made a wrong choice somewhere?
call me immature,
call me a bitch.
not because i sleep around.
but cos i dont know what i want.
until now, i dont know if i can be the role model.
i dont know if i can be
i dont know if i can hold on..
wavered.
im so confident of presenting a product,
im getting confident of presenting the business plan.
but im not confident of presenting myself.
im such a loser.
if having a downline means i have to face the challenge of dealing with others' emotions just because im an upline, i've failed as an upline.
i can keep thinking and trying,
but if you never gave me a chance,
all that is shit.
it's just like how much he once tried but never could get through cos i never allowed a chance for anything to happen.
i can teach,
i can supervise,
i can guide,
but i cant deal with emotions.
can miss lois teach me how to?
can mr mengwee teach me how to?
can mr steven teach me how to?
can any car achiever teach me how to?
can someone just fucking hell listen to me? look at me please!
i just need someone to listen to me,
to understand.
i just need someone to always be by my side to do so..
not just through back doors and sms..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
are acknowledgments meant to make me happy or make me feel worse.
i cant believe i actually felt so down.
until miss lois msg ed me.
"i know it's been tough on you these few days. trust me. these will brush up your pp skills even more and will benefit you in future. if pv this month is low for you, dont worry. lets fight for stronger turnover next month."
i dont think im helping my upline in anyway.
but really, thanks miss lois. but im just trying to do as much as i can while im still able to. im not confident of how long i can hang on.
and mr j's acknowledgment, nad's compliment, red mammoth agents' appreciation, you all really make me hang on..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
im just tired..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i almost got electrocuted today.
i swear.
i broke out in cold sweat under that air con.
im stupid please.
who'd on the voltmeter and still go touch the probes?
for the rest of the presentation i was stuttering.
i was too shocked,
too stunned to maintain a clear mind.
my left hand was
i couldnt even do well at the performance later.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
am i really gonna follow thistle's path?
go on to be a presenter,
attach to appointments and earn presenter's fee?
i never once thought i'd be given the chance to attach to an appointment with a manager to learn.
i never once thought i'd be given the chance to be sent out on appointments.
i've only been to one appointment with longjun as my presenter.
i feel so weak in the field of appointments..
i feel so weak and i feel like im so afraid of learning something new..
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im abit worried.
my commitment seems to waver.
each time i see you it comes back.
when im without you i think of you
but somehow, ur daring heart makes me so..
afraid at times..
i told of my glory at 10:53 pm
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
chapter 10:
90% of the time,
we can only smile.
we can only look,
we can only brush past.
yet this 10% of time,
makes me so reckless,
anxious,
glad,
exhilarated,
lost.
so sexy,
so hot,
such a mess,
such recklessness.
cos you saw the smile in me,
instead of the tears in me.
you saw the wound in me,
and promised to heal it.
thank you.
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always, b1 is where i reside in mornings when there are only people from red mammoth, blue rhino, and ME THE ONLY ME from red falcon. STANDARD faces i see evryday.
once in awhile, someone from red taurus would be around,
once in awhile, someone from red bison would be around.
yet when im DESPERATELY NEEDING SOMEONE TO DO A BUSINESS PLAN FOR ME THERE'S NO ONE T.T cos everyone's there for a reason: to be busy. OH WELL.
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on a random note, i realise MEs communicate well with MEs. maybe they call that the marketing executive language. LOL.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and i did a business plan myself today.
all thanks to mr steven's short talk to me about BP yesterday,
today SOLID!
confidence level rise by alot alot!! :)))
in total: uncountable b roles,
4 pps,
1 basic training.
conclusion: 1 potential downline.
OH WELL.
and i stole the so-called red taurus' table at level 1 showroom. LOL. NO CHOICE LAH, all the tables with sockets nearby were taken =x hehe.
and im being appreciated today. hee. you know, a simple acknowledgement goes a long way? it's not a MUST, but an added INCENTIVE!
a simple thank you can bring a smile to my face.
and make the rush worthwhile.
YEA MR J.
and anyway, i think mr mengwee and mr J's biz plans are DAMN SOLID.
miss lois' CS is DAMN SOLID!
mr steven's a few sentence also DAMN SOLID!
SOLID!
huifang has her definite goals now.
so PRACTICE!
miss lois said im ready to attach appointments le.
FINALLY! omg. anxious.
seeing hobby go attach mr steve's appointment that day,
ME WAS VERY THE FULL OF ENVY!
cos when oh when will i get attached to appointments,
get to go appointments,
and finally EARN PRESENTER FEE! WAHAHAHAHA.
then i'll be like thistle. get a paycheque of presenter fees. LOL!
but oh well, still takes time. i have to have the ability to do a good closing, good convincing skills, blah blah blah.
i still think my pp CMI. cannot make it. not can make it.
I FORGOT TO DO THE LITMUS TEST 2 TIMES IN A ROW COS I WAS EXPLAINING TOO MUCH =x
but i realised, and added in at the end lah. lol.
*distracted.
I NEED TO FOCUS! FOCUSSSS.
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some people's words make me so hopelessly lost,
full of thoughts for the rest of the day.
no matter if your presence is there or not,
im still affected at the end of the day.
friend, you care too much.
yet finally,
face to face a talk is good enough to make things clear,
sort out what we want,
talk about how far we've gone,
settle down,
get on with life,
with you as my good friend.
mr Z,
thanks for always being there for me. :)))
i told of my glory at 10:31 pm
Monday, 25 February 2008
chapter 9:
i shudder each time i hear you sing.
the off tune makes me laugh.
the charm makes me run..
my eyes brighten each time i see you walk pass,
each time i see you around.
and each time you say "solid!",
i havent seen you,
but i've heard you and i know it's you.
i just wanna laugh.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
learn from others.
approached mr miao hua from blue rhino to help me do a super last minute bp.
THANKS MR MIAO HUA!!! :)))
cos really, DAMN anxious.
i forgot to arrange for a manager to do bp for me before i started pp.
so i was really anxious at the last minute.
and and and!
his bp style was very much different!!
and yea, the way he talks is just omg-stylo. wahaha.
im gonna invent my own new way of bp in preparation for MM!! :)))
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and i was alone at b1 today when mr steven ho came downstairs. omg ha.
then he sat down and talked to me.
OMG =x
SCARY. haha.
so i told him what had i done in the past hour, the anxiousness and such,
so i asked him about how to do a bp.
cos i felt that my previosu 4 bps were very much screwed.
so actually,
a bp must show
1. why NM can work
2. why you cant fail
3. how time is not a factor
YAY!! but was cut short cos a recruit came. -.-
MR STEVEN MY IDOL LAH! :)))
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then had a bp from mr IVAN!!!!
YAYYY MR IVAN THAT TOTAL JOKER :)))
THANKS MR IVAN!!
he was like, repeating and repeating and the stupid recruit didnt seem to understand his words o.O that recruit is plain dumb please.
and mr ivan was saying he'll make the recruit more "high" since the whole situation was so "cold".
in the end he was like "so do you catch my balls?"and the recruit no reaction LAH. -.-"
so like 30 secs after talking more he asked again "so you catch my balls yea?"STILL NO REACTION. omg lah please.
mr ivan and i were like laughing till LALALA.
in the end, mr ivan damn anxious to get downstairs for trng. lol.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and omg unglam. i stepped on someone's leg today =x
cos i was at the lfit lobby.
and i wasnt aware he was behind me.
so i moved back,
and i stepped
on mr jeremy's leg.
not the CA. if it's the CA i think i'd die from embarrassment.
but
it was the newly promoted MM.
OH FISH.
still so damn embarrassed i ran away.
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oh my gawwd.
as the bus chiong-ed like some crazy crap today,
you came to my mind.
really,
i though i was about to die.
downline was on the bus before mine.
which left the stop 2 minutes b4 mine.
but when i alighted at serangoon,
after my bus overtook hers,
hers was nowhere in sight =x
record holding 18 minutes to serangoon.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
this day,
10.30am,
what am i doing there.
IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU LAH.
and of cos cos of AMW
so BOTH OF YOU QUICK COME UP WITH YOUR CAR LAH LIKE BLARDIE HELL.
i hate to rush around. omg.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
pp marathon is fun. CHIONG. today chiong-ed 3.
tmr im going to chiong 5 pp. ha. siao ginna.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
BECAUSE I CAN! I KNOW I WILL!! :)))
i told of my glory at 10:18 pm
if i myself look into the future,
im still wondering what i will see.
hearing you talk about those plans you have,
for yourself,
for everything,
the future seems so bright,
so bright,
so easy.
those seasons still come and go,
spring,
summer,
autumn,
winter.
through tribulations i wonder if we will stand,
facing already problems when we're not separated,
it's always a forgive,
forget,
forgiven past mistakes
and forgotten the truth.
the truth which lies behind this situation itself,
is that we're separated by too many differences.
but what to do.
when youre that stubborn and rebellious,
and im that stubborn to want you.
talking about the future seems so big now,
just shut up for the moment,
cherish what we have now,
so that when we have to be separated for some period of time,
we have something to look back to.
photos,
videos,
such memories.
life is short,
so cherish every moment we have with our loved ones.
every mistake can be forgiven as long as there is a compromise.
forgiveness makes a great difference,
to a person's life,
to 2 people's future.
i told of my glory at 12:32 pm
Sunday, 24 February 2008
im gonna smoke till i die tmr.
believe it?
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CHAPTER 8:
as the flower bloomed,
it had been through tough times,
through nightmares.
it thought it was strong.
but when the wind came,
and the leaves fell,
the flower fell too.
leaving the tree bare.
naked, alone,
the tree felt the cold.
no sorries can make up for the harm done.
no amount of hugs can make up for what's lost.
boy, dont try so hard.
cos only time can heal all wounds
maybe i'll be okay tmr,
maybe i'll be okay later.
maybe i had made the wrong choice
and then i'll be back to square 1.
downline said to follow my heart.
i did. so squid, dont make me look back someday and regret what i lost..
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all thanks to mr mengwee saying this song is nice yesterday and let me listen to it, now this song is stuck in my mind.
I love and I need you
Nelly, I love you, I do
Need you
No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
Boy, you know I’m crazy over you
No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
You know I’m crazy over you
Uh-uh-uh-uh
I met this chick and she just moved right up the block
from me
And she got the hots for me, the finest thing I need
to see
But oh, no, no, she got a man and a son, oh-oh, but
that’s okay
‘Cause I wait for my cue and just listen, play my
position
Like a shortstop, pick up e’rything mami hittin’
And in no time I better make this friend mine and
that’s for sure
‘Cause I-I never been the type to break up a happy
home
But there’s something ‘bout baby girl, I just can’t
leave her ‘lone
So tell me, ma, what’s it gonna be
She said, "You don’t know what you mean to me," come
on
No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
Boy, you know I’m crazy over you
No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
You know I’m crazy over you
Uh-uh-uh-uh
I see a lot in your look and I never say a word
I know how n****s start actin’ trippin’ , and hate up
all the girls
And there’s no way Nelly go for it
Ain’t f***in’ with no dame, as you could see
But I-I like your steeze, your style, your whole
demeanor
The way you come through and holler, and swoop me in
his two-seater
Now that’s gangsta and I got special ways to thank ya,
don’t you forget it
But it ain’t that easy for you to back up and leave
him
But you and me we got ties for different reasons
I respect that and right before I turned to leave
She said, "You don’t know what you mean to me," come
on
i told of my glory at 10:32 pm
this post was typed on the bus at 2pm.
the past few days have past so quickly i find it so difficult to keep up with the sequence of events. not sequence even, but the series. i dont know what's going on.
i find myself doing things i would never imagine myself doing,
find myself setting priorities which defy my normal way of thinking.
today at tuition, tony asked if college had started on SPDF. i looked at jia qi cos i didnt know how to answer that question.
jia qi smiled at me. im known as dead from school already.
im so lost in this world where studies have seem to have come to a stop.
lectures go on withuot me,
homework stays in a pile beside me.
tutorials are done based on memory work from last year,
not on understanding this year.
*cut off by mr mengwee's phonecall.
he's asking where i am. im at amk on the bus now.
no one to help him take his recruit.
see what i mean, i cant even do something of my own without distractions.
i have no time for myself.
ve, school, cca, tuition.
techno, emo, lovey dovey.songs,
squid, chicken, human. at least im gonna settle this once and for all today. later.
*cut off by huiqi's phonecall.
im at serangoon on the bus now.
no one to do business plan after she does her prod presentation.
i should really quickly hit mm, hit bm, turn 18, get a car license, hit car incentive and get my own car to fly around. not fly. zoom. zoom zoom zoom!
this feeling of OMG-im-still-on-the-way-but-everyone's-looking-for-me sucks big time.
oh gosh.
the CI is for image, and for my own life man. hur!
im doing this on the bus and im not having time even for lunch. not even a small snack. FUCK. at this rate i'll become a stick one day lah.
*just hopped off 22 and chiong-ed after a stupid 24.
is this how life is supposed to become more purposeful for me?
when i got nothing to do,
i complain im bored.
when i got the world waiting for me,
i feel like im going crazy.
yesterday downline already knew what she wanted from ve.
what about me?
yesterday mr mengwee told me, to stay on for the sake of a guy is stupid.
i know.
i know this for sure that im not staying on for the sake of any guy.
but what's with the sudden burst of desire to be at office everyday, even if im not doing anything??
i know i got my priorities wrong already.
im being there cos he asked me to.
recently, im lost.
and im still in the process of sorting out my own thoughts,
i know i can get through this stage.
i know i can.
with or without him, i'll still go on fighting for mm and bm and my car incentive. i will be a car achiever if i just persevere on,
nothing is impossible. what i once thought the most impossible and what i once thought of the quite impossible have already happened to me.
some things i still hide form mr mengwee, some things i still hide from my one and only still with me downline.
some things just aren't secrets. i just dont have the courage to say them out.
i think i'd die from just even starting to tell you about it.
cos it's too shameful.
i think im too easy.
i was being too fickle-minded.
no wonder chicken expressed his disappointment over what i'd done, or what squid had done and i had gone along with it.
i knew it was just wrong.
morally incorrect.
but i still went ahead with it.
and more.
this is a confession.
i know they will read it.
i cant bring myself to confess this face to face.
but i just didnt know what i wanted.
who i was.
cos im too afraid.
too afraid of too many things.
so many "but", so many concerns.
our surroundings, my status, your status, work, studies, reasons you will leave me,
what if one day i find out all these is just a big fat joke?
one day when this comes to light, how will people see you?
will they still respect you for who you are?
will i still be able to remain there?
will i regret making this choice?
downline told me, follow your heart.
i've followed mine.
i know you followed yours, otherwise how could it even be me.
sometimes, i still worry one day everything turns out to be wrong right from the start.
so to solve these, i have to be successful first.
fight on LAH.
*im finally at eunos after typing all these. off to continue racing.
i told of my glory at 9:56 pm
this is more important than the continuation of chapter 7.
thank you mr mengwee.
thank you miss lois.
suddenly,
i feel like i've just woken up from a nightmare.
i really felt so useless at that moment,
i felt i never took care of my downline.
i never did anything for my downline before.
as an upline, im unable to set a good example.
as an upline, i never did anything entirely right.
i felt i really failed as an upline,
my ME badge was a hoax,
i felt i was so insignificant,
i felt so useless.
i felt so helpless..
i never felt respected even as an individual, not as an upline.
there were so many things i promised to do but i didnt,
i know i've disappointed many..
especially mr mengwee, miss lois and mr longjun.
but after today's mess, had a talk with mr mengwee and he helped me see my problems, things i've missed out on. problems i never solved, and what i should do now. how i should help downline, how i should talk to downline, how i should EARN not DEMAND respect from downline.
thank you mr mengwee! it really helped me a great deal.
though i dont know if you'll one day snatch my laptop like how you did just now, and read my blog post, i really really appreciated that half an hour. though you say that's what you should do, you and miss lois not only solved downline's current problem, helped her see herself, and relieved me of a heavy load of my back. most importantly, helped me find myself.
mr mengwee, you realised my downline lost her direction. cos i exposed her (sounds wrong. lol). but really, someday when i myself cant take it, you'll be one i approach still. cos im almost losing my direction, and then someone steps in and sets it right.
thank you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
so now, after settling problems between me and downline, im to settle this personal matter which i've yet to settle.
i cant let it drag on for a few more days.
i'll die from the stress LAH.
i'll die from being too involved.
no it shouldn't be this way.
chapter 7, a continuation:
SO HOW??!
squid is still as usual,
floating around,
giving me those electrifying glares.
chicken is still as usual,
forever so big-headed dumb,
obedient.
life goes on with me still tidying my files, calling recruits, laughing on with miss lois, REALLY fighting with mr mengwee, calling ivory frantically, wondering how to help my downline, looking around and picking up new stuffs somehow..
but even if i've made my choice,
have you?
you got so many concerns.
im not blaming you. you have no choice.
a simple and happy life..
if we can...
i told of my glory at 12:27 am
Saturday, 23 February 2008
chapter 7:
this morning,
i did the unbelievable,
the unthinkable,
the unimaginable.
not beyond reality.
just beyond me.
i skipped co practice.
wei le man zu ni de yuan wang er bei pan le zi ji..
the most shocking thing that huifang would ever do is to skip co practice when she has a choice. but i chose to skip, OMG =x
the most unbelievable things you can make me do and do to me.
OMG seriously.
off to bugis to exchange longjun's file. will be back in an hour. =x
i told of my glory at 12:33 pm
chapter 6, an addition:
the courage to walk up to me,
talk,
laugh,
made me realise maybe im right after all.
maybe sometimes first sight dont mean everything.
it's the sudden changes which decide the ending.
you had the courage to step out to the sun with me.
he didnt.
that's the difference between the two of you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
im glad it's you cos we co-exist.
i'll be your listening ear with interest
and youre my listening ear advising me.
should i really have taken what chick told me for real?
about what im still wanting but aint able to get it soon, but he's able to give it to me?
flashing those blue notes.
stacks in the wallet.
im sick of being accused.
i need planning.
thank god there's you to advise me.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
the feeling of you before me,
is better than you being behind me.
dont be so distracted to the extent of others noticing lah,
PLEASE.
i also need to concentrate on doing my stuff.
dont distract me!!
DONT!!
stupid squid..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
mr ivan was being funny today again. haha. talked about chicken rice, then talked about sotong. from lunchtime until at night, i still heard him talking about eating sotong. stupid mr ivan. ha. then he shared his downline, liz's kinder bueno with us today. ha. bad upline. xD
then attended welcome forum by mr kit. blah. and after that stayed back to uhhh, get tested by miss lois impromptu pp qns, b role and presentation tee up. longjun, ivory, huiqi and me were taking turns. lol.
stayed in office till damn late. that day when i was with mr J, i saw mr andrew outside eating cup noodles. today, me and huiqi were seen by mr andrew. lol. take turns. no time eat dinner lah! and that was around 10.20pm. lol. saw mr steve doing a pp or inhouse SA until damn late too. cos there was a parent around. hmm. he's damn pia luh. he'd set up the kit at around 7pm (cos he took the table after we left). and he's damn funny lah please, insist on using that table cos he likes the table -.- initially found another table already. but cos he went downstairs to take his kit, someone else took that table. so he put his kit at the table i was using. to "chop" place. lol. miss lois and i laughed till craps listening to ivory's pp. OMG. seriously.
and ahhh, i think he saw me unglam when i was leaving office at 11 plus. cos i saw his head sticking out. told you he's tall. =x
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
no one can ever see what im doing is actually benefitting others. im the one who helped out in training up ivory in basic tee up and b role and water pp. i spent time in helping hazimah with recalling how to do pp. im approached by other team's ppl to help do a pp for them. im doing everything that doesnt give me money nor buy me time.
though i know what i teach ivory is not complete and entirely reliable, at least i helped. otherwise, what do you expect her to do in office. "go do calling" that's what im told to do. have you considered that she doesnt know how to? okay so i teach her. then she asks me something else after that. so all she doesnt know and asks me, i happily teach her. and times passes. no one notices im helping her, but everyone notices im not having any recruitment. do you think i want this to happen too? FUCK YOU. i get no money training her up. she's not under me. but what do i go thru? accuses, accuses, naggings, upline giving up on me, accuses, accuses, accuses.
i may not be the best pp presenter, but i help because i know you all need my help at that point of time.
im not saying i dont want to help others. im okay with helping everyone. but it's a matter of how YOU ALL interpret me help. cos im starting to neglect my own target i've been trying to hit.
have you even
i told of my glory at 12:22 am
Friday, 22 February 2008
chapter 6:
you were just like a beam of light,
in the darkness.
when i had this spliting headache,
the images from days before replayed on in my mind.
a bittersweet longing for you..
feeling of nostalgia.
i dont know what's going on at times~
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
times when youre bored,
dont draw circles,
dont draw rainbows.
got to blogsearchdotcom,
type in your name,
and marvel at how common your name is.
how the different huifangs are is so amazing.
ha.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and then again,
i read thru my previous posts.
i hated nyco.
i knew i wouldnt be the gaohu player.
yet here i am now,
playing gaohu,
facing competition.
if i lose,
i know why.
but i dont want that feeling of
having lost everything again!
times when i felt i really should leave ny.
when i got retained,
when i failed in co last year.
then there were also those lovely times,
when i went for the dsa audition 1 and a half year ago,
when i fussed over him studying too much,
when he turned up unexpectedly at the co room isolated at the dark cca block
at 9.30pm
when we mugged together and you got horrible grades
just because you were helping me and didnt study for your own midyears,
those were the times.
and i know they'll never come by again..
the last message, you said you miss us.
but where are you?
NS takes the frens away from me..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i think i really miss the times from last year too much
remember how we ran the school track at 10pm?
no lamps, no lights.
those times when you held my hand in the dark to guide me?
how you had to slow down to wait for me (:
and because of that you couldnt compete with chris.
HA.
we ran the 400m,
the 4 of us.
M and A were also running then.
that was true friendship then.
the track belonged to the 4 of us then.
*laughs.
the time when we went to your house to stay overnight.
yes i ended up on the floor.
*laughs insanely.
and you still said "paiseh". -.-
those were the times. :)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
simple and happy is what i want too..
but this simplicity is what you cant give.
it's not that you wish not to,
but you don't have a choice..
i told of my glory at 9:45 am
Thursday, 21 February 2008
chapter 5, a continuation:
the petals drop,
no one cares.
my heart calls for you,
i dont know why.
Q said i made a choice already.
have i?
you walking past made me weak and dizzy
discovering you were looking was totally intimidating
cos i still dont know what's on your mind.
you staring by as we walked past
made me totally
freak out in glee.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i realise i've subconsciously made a choice.
but whether it will be a right one,
depends on how you go from here.
i've decided.
unconditional on my part.
i'll just cherish moments like today's,
when you'll just appear behind me
just when i'm least expecting you to be.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
today was a day i found it unbearable,
you made it this way
i fought for it to remain this way.
i do wonder what my presence meant to you.
was it like how your presence meant to me?
you said you felt lighter,
unloading your complaints to me.
your heavy head,
tired eyes,
made me want to shout at them,
to leave you alone.
i wasn't annoyed at you,
i was annoyed at them.
i'd do so much for you,
i'd forget i'm only me.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
the cars continued passing by,
i saw you continue talking.
as the day turned to night,
and again it was time to say goodbye.
yet another day gone,
another chapter passed.
this book wasn't about you.
initially.
yet the main character had left,
lonely, miserable.
im sorry.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
a hug cannot be taken back.
a promise made cannot be broken.
a kiss given cannot be returned.
it's just morals.
isn't it?
who set the rules for right and wrong?
chicken... im sorry...
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
mr ivan was being a mental pain today. gave the DAMN funny and constipated expression each time i saw him. ha. but he was doing that at Q cos she did that to him too. lol. it's become a habit to greet him daily whenever i see him cos he's always everyready to say "hao!" back. makes me glad! :))) no wonder someone used to fancy him. lol!
and im so proud of my incompleted-cos-havent-pasted-blood-vessels pp file. just 95% completed and 2 biz managers have borrowed it from me. SOLID! had a impromptu water pp. ha. without kit. nice try. thanks to miss lois. think ivory has the most shrewd ideas man. and i also went through water pp with hazimah today. today just passed like that o.O
in the lift, with mr sebastien and another lady, mr sebastien asked me "youre an ME right? WHEN WILL YOU HIT MM!!"
omg. =xxx WTF!
stalked o.O SIAN.
and poor qing banged into a chair partly cos of me =x sorry ahhhhs.
but not entirely my fault also. LOL!
but she just couldnt stop STARING at him from the side in the lift! luckily he refused to turn around. LOL. unglam shitsxz.
c'mon again..
i told of my glory at 9:02 pm
chapter 5:
the squid has taken his first step in.
literally,
physically.
the guilt sinks in.
though you just tast soooo sweet.
recounting that moment,
the shudder,
the shock.
that one simple action,
one thing led to another.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!
i just feel so suffocated.
literally.
why cant you make clear your point to me?
now im faced with questions from everyone.
and more questions from myself.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
what do you want?!
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
youre staining our relationship,
and straining another.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
if only i knew what you want.
is it just a fling?
you miserable stinking sweet squid.
i told of my glory at 12:18 am
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
chapter 4, a continuation:
i really wonder what's there in your big head.
no wonder they knocked your big head
when you asked about traffic lights on the expressway.
stupid boy.
*knocks your head*
who ever heard of anyone playing THAT this way?
the cry of jubilant
silly boy! xD
youre at a place
where your status is different from others,
you donk.
but a total load of laughs hahhas.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
love the heart that hurts you,
but never hurt the heart that loves you.
i've realised.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
a love that is beautiful,
from inside out.
a love with no tears,
no pain or doubt.
your charming eyes,
your contagious laughter,
and the unrequited love you gave me.
as you unfolded yourself before me,
i discovered more and more beauty.
without even knowing it,
you'd fought for a place,
for yourself.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
being loved is a blessing,
loving is an irony.
when youre loved by the person you love,
you know youre in heaven :)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
went for dinner with mr J today. ha. cos mr MW had to go CS someone from mako. so he told us to go first. knowing that by the time we finished dinner, he'd still be CS-ing that person, we had our dinner slowly. but still, when we went back, he was nowhere in sight. pangseh kia. lol. DONT CARE. then me and mr J were like stoning in office lah! LOL. then after that there was a sudden uhhh, excitement behind. i turned around to see mr cal taking apart a rubik's cube. OMG =x mr shun jie, miss zhi ying and mr mengwee were like fascinated by the way he took apart mr shun jie's rubik's cube. LOL. me and mr J were like -.-" lol. and i heard mr C singing today o.O as he came out of the toilet. HA. oh well. ve has many homemade talents i guess.
AND AND AND, ivory's damn cute lol!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i missed my stop TWICE.
all because you kissed me goodbye.
i told of my glory at 8:08 pm
chapter 4:
will you come to realise my importance
only when we have only limited time left?
just like how you never heeded her advice,
but when you finally did,
you only had half a year left?
i cannot be as noble and selfless like her.
you all were her everything.
but you are just a part of my everything.
i just don't feel that strongly.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
what was seen as beautiful,
now seems to fade.
the petals are falling off,
and there's no way i can save it.
poor flowers.
seems like beauty is nothing
but a swift moment of pleasure to the eyes.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
but there's a reason behind every action.
did i do this for the chick?
did i do that for the squid?
for what?
past,
present,
future.
what are you?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
the absence of your call makes one insecure,
i cant deny i was that into you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
for some people,
their words just lingered on in my mind,
replaying like a nightmare.
they were inspirational,
some were motivational,
and they taught me morality.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
you,
reckoned redemption of any kind by just running away or moving on.
you can never return what you took away.
it just wasn't supposed to be me.
or rather,
it wasn't supposed to be you.
was it?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
you flew me aeroplane,
but i still love you alot.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
officially launching,
stop the squid campaign.
chicken, do something about it..
help !!
i told of my glory at 12:19 pm
a continuation to chapter 3:
then i took your call upon reaching,
but turned around to find someone else.
the appearance of the squid.
with the chick,
everything started,
10.37pm
18 feb 2008.
at muse,
the mood just seemed too right
for romance.
or maybe,
the company was.
but wasnt it supposed to be the chick all along?
wasnt it??
but what's with the squid,
cos we took a picture
through a wine glass.
after that,
the worse that could happen played in my mind.
NO.
no i told myself.
i was loyal to the chick.
or so i thought.
but,
the squid was in control.
and i thought we weren't supposed to take what would never be ours?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and then with other events taking place in between,
the squid crossed again.
and the squid gave that forever
killing
me
smile.
thank you for the lunch.
and what you gave me.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i think you gave me what i dont deserve,
and i've taken what i shouldnt.
tell the chick,
im sorry.
i've been wrong.
maybe all along,
i never knew what i wanted.
cos i love your eyes.
when you look into mine.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and anyway, was at office till 10 plus doing my filing and tidying up falcon's table (: think i've done a great job. lol. other teams can employ this service at a fee. WAHAHAH. okay. then went to dhoby ghaut to pass mr mengwee his bag (kookoo manager who left without the intention of coming back but didnt bring his bag along)
and maybe miss lois should change how the red corrugated board is placed. i was taking water for huiqi today, and the board dropped with a loud bang, shocking me and feeling damn damn damn unglam cos a manager walked past at that particular second. oh gawd.
and maybe taking calls from your grandma on your hp in the office isnt that great an idea. makes one unglam from conversing too loudly in hokkien =x LOL.
i told of my glory at 12:43 am
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
chapter 3:
i wake up,
and i think i have been dreaming.
i continue thinking,
but
i dont know how
i dont know,
i should feel?
the people around,
walk on,
get on with their agenda.
oblivious to what goes on in others' minds.
what's my agenda?
now i realise,
im lost,
in you.
and i've lost.
to you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
the street lamps continue to be lighted,
the traffic lights continue to change.
but what hasn't changed,
is what remains
literally.
maybe your innocence
in some matters,
may be my maturity.
we may come to realise
we may be the best pillars,
but also the worst pillars.
cos of something,
called relying on each other.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
for some reason,
i may recklessly put an expiry date
on my love and patience to you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
yesterday, i encountered what you'd call "when i met my match". ivory went along with me to get high in office. much to my own embarrassment too. and xian qing was also involved. true happiness. with buddies (:
and buddies bang into walls on the same day, embarrass one another in front of managers, etc etc. and make the place damn noisy together, realising that the only face people can see is mine cos im facing the aisle.
i took a train from eunos to jurong, to chua chu kang to bishan. how weird. i just needed the time in the train to know. to realise.
i told of my glory at 9:35 am
Monday, 18 February 2008
chapter 2, an addition:
this second,
you told me you love me.
it just seems too good to be true.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
everything seems to just build on this simple thing,
known as a smile.
i told of my glory at 10:37 pm
chapter 2:
i saw the feeling of lost,
within that split second.
in those eyes,
always so full of laughter,
of life,
of happiness.
i saw the darkness today,
for that split second
when you looked at me.
and then again,
you turn and the lively you was back.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i know how you felt back then,
the elation.
from an F9 to an A1 was mine.
my elation was as great as your A2.
but i realised i hadnt thanked my teacher enough.
i havent shown appreciation.
maybe im regretting i didnt take up art then.
but then again,
what would have been different?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
on the train,
those messages,
i felt like i've fought a battle
for the past week.
no conquerers.
i think we have gone a level higher,
in understanding each other,
in caring for each other,
in laughing at each other.
that would be the best result,
for any battle fought.
i think.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and today, the number of times i see you, i feel. yea.
and someone said "WHOA! you two can really act like you dno each other! omg!"
i told of my glory at 9:22 pm
chapter 1:
i read about how you grow,
from someone i wouldnt even look at
to someone i'm so very into.
from her blog, her perspective,
i know what she says is true.
you have grown. but
from an adult's point of view,
we're still children.
you may appear in the smartest executive wear,
but in her eyes you're still that student
who failed,
and finally got the best results.
she was that proud of you.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i dont know why,
but i just cried reading all that.
seeing how much you've grown.
i shouldn't judge everything based on a statement,
an sms
or just on one day,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
on 6th may 2005,
taking the expressway,
mesmerised by the lights,
you wondered why there are no traffic lights.
they knocked your big head.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i told of my glory at 10:55 am
Sunday, 17 February 2008
BOO! today ponned tuition. omg =x LOL! just cos to go pray. ahhhs. so suay this year zheng4 chong1 tai4 sui4. SIAN! this year is gonna be a tough year for me.. zzz.. money, love, career not gonna be well for me. oh man.
and im bored. there's school tmr oh man =x
youre my singing sensation yea yea. in the lift yea yea~
i told of my glory at 9:43 pm
Saturday, 16 February 2008
BOO! today:
1. small group co performance at old folks home
2. wendy's birthday celebration
performance was pretty fun :))) though MANY people screwed up ha! all forgot pu sia o.O lol. then the elderly there.. okay lahs some quite nice some very quiet lo. hmm. oh well. next time we wanna go to orphanage instead :))) and miss tan's a nice teacher! LOL.
then went over to wendy's birthday celebration after that at muse, inside national museum. hmm. the food was splendid :))) and we took many spastic photos. lol. i ruined sing woon's artistic shot with a jump into the centre of attention WAHAHA! oh well. i was just being random but so accurate. ha!
DAMN TIRED NOW! zzz.
still got scolded. okay. i got nothing to say since i always make excuses for myself. but wtf. okay never mind. it's not like i've been doing NOTHING. oh well. my fault. go sleep soon. stupid tuition tmr.
再给我两分钟
让我把记忆结成冰
别融化了眼泪
你妆都花了要我怎么记得
记得你叫我忘了吧
记得你叫我忘了吧
你说你会哭
不是因为在乎
yes hold that second when you were right in front of me, inches away from...
come again, i didnt catch you.
i told of my glory at 11:38 pm
Friday, 15 February 2008
BOO. today at office was, argh shucks, crap.
chiong-ed down in cab. dont wanna say why. damn crap. but anyway, i was like some stupid dumbass aunty lugging bags of purchase from popular up a cab. zz. reached office half an hour late. sian. but anyway the recruit was late. thought my recruit got lost cos longjun said she's at the entrance and there was no one. she didnt take my calls either. oh man. =x i went from b1 to level 1 to 3 to 1 to b1 and to 1 before she finally took my call. zzz. and mr steve saw me rushing around. think he thinks im some crazy bitch =x ZZZ.
then did this, did that, taught ivory b role, went to welcome forum. and day ended like that. and ivory is damnnnn blur. o.O lol.
and dont ever try swinging a phone charger. cos when it hits ur hand, it gets damnnnn unglam. HA.
i told of my glory at 11:09 pm
Thursday, 14 February 2008
BOO! today valentines day. LOL.
think my class is as crazy as ever. today they disclosed their angel and mortal thingy. hahahs. i was with them at that time. but im not involved in the game.. lol.
then went office. fckup recruit. wasted my time lol. zzz. nvr mind. then spent my afternoon editing magnergy notes and bbq plans. after that went to parkway parade with miss lois, mr jimmy and mr joseph. ha. mr joseph is damn
then in the evening huiqi came and miss lois went home to change, mr mengwee was with other ppl, longjun had to do project so he went home, nad wasnt there, zee wasnt there. SAD CAN! so me and huiqi like some emo kids there. lol. but we got to know the red mammoth people!! :))) YAY! make friends! know more people! :)))
and i swear the one i like can never be him. lol. how can it be. he's a person with status, with an image to uphold. im just a nobody.. i aint feeling sad about this. but sometimes, a friendship brings out the best in both parties. :)))
i told of my glory at 10:15 pm
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
BOO. seriously screwed up mood today. school was just like that. and i went to office with xian qing for the buffet at 1.30pm cos mr jimmy asked her to go and she asked me to go. oh well. in the end we walked in and went downstairs, then when we wanted to find jimmy, saw him sitting with mr joseph, mr calvin etc etc. those car achievers you know. scary. so me and qing decided to be funny. go out, buy drink, buy food, then come back. ZZZ. in the end only eat pancake lo. sad. ahh never mind.
then after that we planned for the bbq for chalet. bleh. busy busy. haiis. sian lah why budget so tight o.O OH WELL. okay lor hands on then. =x then went to "build bond" with longjun's downline which is my sideline. ivory. ha. pretty friendly person :)) but DAMN BLUR!! lol. okay maybe was due to my inability in communication. blah blehs. never mind! at the same time, red taurus was behind me having this group up thingy talking about their CNY. LOL! ahh.
then after that went to eat dinner with jimmy and xian qing at the eunos mrt there de hawker centre. *yawns. xian qing was asking why i was so quiet. zz. but anyway, jimmy damn high today lah! from in office until during dinner until on the train also siao siao one. ha. DAMN act cute xDDD made us laugh till wanna pengs. ha.
我们的开始
是很长的电影
放映了三年
我票都还留着
冰上的芭蕾
脑海中还在旋转
望着你慢慢忘记你
朦胧的时间
我们溜了多远
冰刀划的
圈起了谁改变
如果再重来
会不会稍嫌狼狈
爱是不是不开口才珍贵
再给我两分钟
让我把记忆结成冰
别融化了眼泪
你妆都花了要我怎么记得
记得你叫我忘了吧
记得你叫我忘了吧
你说你会哭
不是因为在乎
apologies are useless. cos i really believed you. believed youve become a much more serious person who really behaves like a person of great status unlike an ah beng.
i believed that youve really changed from being an ahbeng to being a 20 yr old who can speak really well and give others alternative routes and handle problems really well. but i realise you still have your dark side after all.
there will always be miracles. but leopards dont change their spots.
you were a miracle, i thought. and so you said. but appearing today was the you from the past. totally.
i've realised there's still that ahbeng in you.
and i feel thoroughly disappointed. cos youre reprimanding me for doing something which today i discover you yourself are doing.
what i lost was just less than a red dollar note. what youve lost is a blue dollar note, and more..
more which youll have a hard time getting back. i swear.
your language today totally disgusted me. and i once told you before i didnt care about ahbengs as long as it wasnt you. and you make me care. cos today you were not the guy i thought i knew.
but why, why let me discover the truth behind that 50bucks? WHY?! do you know how heart wrenching it is to face something like that just when yesterday i thought youd won everything?? just when i though id found a really perfect guy?
i didnt believe what those people said about you. cos it was too negative for me to even accept it, let alone believe it. people saying you did the worse of what i could imagine of you. but today i see that side of you. im okay with vulgarities cos im a person who scolds fuck too. but i can never tolerate guys who act like they own the world. arrogant, they call it. and your tone today totally fit that bill. i really felt like slapping you at that moment.
i told of my glory at 9:38 pm
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
BOO!
korkor wins. boooo. lol.
and you stole everything away!
ahhhs, tmr is gonna be another day. but finally office is open. lol!
i told of my glory at 9:43 pm
Monday, 11 February 2008
BOO! today was ahhhh.
haha. watched kungfu dunk and WOOHOO! jay chou rocks! SEXY! and damn funny :))) hee. also met huiqi for dinner today. oh well! haha.
and this bernard online. wtf. he added me and asked about the job offer i have. lol. and i tried to recruit him, only to find out he's an MM from blue rhino. SIAN! HA.
ahhhhh. im tired.
in a rush to throw away..
throw away the past unhappiness for us to start all over again..
baby I don't want to waste another day
keeping it inside it's killing me
cause all i ever want, it comes right down to you, to you
im wishing i could find the words to say
baby i would tell you every time you leave
im inconsolable
are you speaking the truth?
i told of my glory at 9:14 pm
Sunday, 10 February 2008
BOO! today was WAHAHAH! went to miss lois house and spent the whole afternoon until 9pm playing cards. lol! mr mengwee, mr jimmy, huiqi, xian qing, siew hoon, mr mengwee's sister peishi, miss lois and me. ha. whole afternoon! and i lost quite alot.
then mr adrain, mr gary and another guy dno wads his name came and WAH, played somemore. ha. then when mr gary be banker, i win easily. when mr adrain, lose easily.. ZZzzZz. so starting winning winning, and ended up still losing ha!! LOL! cos i lazy to play lerr. no mood LOL!
before going to miss lois house me and huiqi went to yishun safra to bowl. and the place SUCKS please. or rather the shoes. DAMN SLIPPERY that i almost fell a couple of times please! and there charge damn ex. ZzzZzzzZ!! and we chiong-ed cab lah! dumb. lol! in the end mr mengwee stil reach miss lois house later than us lor =x
day ended like this :))) fun. and i miss office lah! sompah wor. office, not people. people no need miss de, cos i can always see them when i want to :))) but the environment LAH! =x
tmr go watch ah long with xian qing and huiqi!
ni shuo guo qian le shou jiu suan yue ding
dan qing ai de na bing bu shi ai qing
jiu xiang lai bu ji xu yuan de liu xing
zai zhen me mei li ye zhi neng shi ceng jing
what's gone is the past can never be brought back again.
i told of my glory at 10:42 pm
BOO! JUST CAME HOME!!
1. visited zhang lao shi's house with huqin of zhco.
2. went to wendy's house, lost money through blackjack.
3. went to wendy's mom's husband's brother's house to bai nian (LOL)
4. went to tiong bahru plaza for movie. chang jian 7 which was DAMN FUNNY! (the cj7 was pretty adorable esp with those expressions!!!)
travelled around in a BMW 7 series today. ahh. it's the extended one so it's VERY spacious inside. OH MAN!
and when we reached wendy's place (at bayshore) we went to the carpark to see the lumbo and WOW! I LOVE THE SOUND THE ENGINE PRODUCES DURING START UP MANNN!!! ahhh okay. ha. the yellow one cost 800k and the grey one cost 1.1million. THAT WILL BE MY TARGET! lumbo. ahhhh. PRETTAYE. :))) get a bmw first LAH! wahahah! okay, HIT MM, HIT BM, HIT CAR! BE A CA! GOGOGOGOGO!!!
im damnn tired =x tmr still got tuition at 11.30am (SPOILER!) and off to VE GATHERING AND 2e3'o4 gethering after that!!! :)))
and OH YAH, i've lost 40 plus through gambling. so far. lol. TMR HOW? nabuays~ really fan4 tai4 sui4 this year worrrrs.
i told of my glory at 3:26 am
Saturday, 9 February 2008
BOO! I JUST CAME HOME! HAHAH!
1. went to 2nd aunt's house during lunchtime.
2. went to 1st uncle's house after that for dinner too.
3. went to brandon's house with zijie, linda and ming.
4. went back to 1st uncle's house cos i didnt bring my keys along :(((
and gambled till now just reached home! HA. and yea, today was a pretty interesting day cos i get fetched around :))) AWW. no bmw today, but CS drove his dad's car ha! NOT THAT CS YOU ALL THINK! *recently people keep mistaking CS for mr calvin sim when i mention it! okay ha. not funny. but especially when i was supposed to make my way back to 1st uncle's house from brandon's house, which is from serangoon to bukit timah, at 11pm =x he volunteered to fetch me!!! AHHHHHHH xDDD and cos i had a direct bus from bran's house to clementi, he said he'd pick me up there. YAYYY. what a nice cousin i have though he's always so quiet xDDD
he's such a smart guy who is always so silent, always being praised by the aunts and yea, he's such a stylo milo in a guai gia look. :)))
GOTTA LEARN LOADS FROM HIM :)))
turning 24 this year? okay de! LOL.
and we saw a car accident on the way back. kind of a freak incident. ha. the car was.. in a horrible position on the barrier at the middle of the 2 way lanes. wondering how the car got up there. ha! but CS was like "oh my gosh~" HAHAHAH!
overall i lost 14 bucks through gambling this year. maybe tmr there'll be more ha. SAD AH! LOL.
when will i see you again..?
i told of my glory at 2:47 am
Thursday, 7 February 2008
BOO! AHHH. first day of cny is just over like that. hongbao money.. some went up some went down. overall aruond 300++ still. lol. still can maintain ha! xDDD
and still, zx appeared with a totally different style this year. :))) nice hair. and he's already 24. omg old man! HAHA jkjk. oh well.
recently it seems im always with guys who drive BMWs. HA!
i told of my glory at 8:58 pm
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
BOO!
1. i screwed up today's performance.
2. went back to zhonghua.
3. lunch with ex 4e6 'o6 gang.
4. reunion dinner.
5. i miss ve!! :(((
totally screwed up. and it was darn obvious cos my gong fa was wrong. LESTER LAH! why suddenly play correct after playing wrong this whole while. lol! become im the only one wrong at 2 parts of the song, and one part he still play wrong. ha! OH WELL =x SUAN le. but was quite anxious on stage today.. cos.... and my left hand was like.. omg i played a couple of wrong notes and offkey notes lah! HAII.
then went back to zhss with heidi to meet noel they all there. and WALAO the new principal, new vprincipal and new dm. chgn the rules so damn strict. ha please lo. last time i wear slippers go school also can o.O ZZZ. STUPID NEW RULEs. in the end alot of people were stuck outside ha.
went to marina square spagheddies (how to spell ah) for lunch with timo, noel, zhenwen, glenn, abi, chengzhong. :))) fun crapping with them. though today our gather time was short, but still fun! :)))
i miss ve! and i really miss the place. the office, red falcon cubicle. OH WELL. call me mental.
i told of my glory at 11:44 pm
BOO. second post! but cos after talking to huiqi i realise some of me HAS changed and some of me hasnt. will work on it! cos ve will make me a better person! :)))
since i've come to ve, my emotions are already much better controlled. as in i can think straight most of the time now and not let emotions get the better of me. though once in awhile, when the wrong person is involved, i'll still be like before, but i've managed to convinced many that i'm no longer that.. emo? oh well. and anger management. i've definitely improved alot. ALOT. damn alot. damn damn damn alot. i may curse and swear after that. but i no longer show my anger in front of others. cursing and swearing may be crude. but oh well! and like what mr jeremy mentioned before, when his mother nags at him, he takes a paper out and writes everything out in order to maintain his composure. someday, i will be as professional as him!! :))) i saw him fight his car this whole while and i really think he's really impressive. just a 19 year old and he fought really hard for his car, achieved it with glory and still goes all out to encourage others. maybe i should go find him for a CS someday. oh well! :)))
and really, sometimes what i say wont only affect me. it affects a person's reputation and status really matters. the importance of tee up! the lack of tee up has just ruined a person's reputation and i just hope nothing leaks out =x someone of high status, someone of normal status, completely worlds apart. so think before i act!
huiqi ah huiqi. really thanks alot you know. and again i fail to change this aspect of me. still thinking too much and bringing myself uneccessary troubles, problems, you name it. this has been something i've been trying to change to no avail. but i will change! in time to come, i will become professionallllll :))) YAY!
i told of my glory at 1:06 am
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
BOO! today was. a UHHHH!!!! lol. packed day.
went to school, had pe, went out of school to eat eggs with weijian, wayne, leeyen, dominic, came back to school and rotted at atrium with weijian, dominic, wayne, rachel, got BLUFFED all the way by stupid dom cos he told me that wayne's name is WANK. and his surname is ER. so you get WANK ER. wtf. lol. then went for CT lesson, end of school.
went to orchard with weijian that bitch, shopped, walked from far east to heeren to wisma to blah blah. went for lunch at food republic, then went to take 14 with weijian. OMG MAN the bus ride was damn long. ha. AND WE WERE SLEEPING ON THE BUS PLEASE. lol. then went to bedok to change bus to office.
went to office and prepared kit for PP for huiqi's perverted sick despo disgsting recruit. I'D RATHER ROT IN OFFICE FOR 10 MINUTES WAITING FOR 6PM TO COME THAN LET HIM COME TO OFFICE WHEN HE REACHED EUNOS AT 5.20PM. please he's a
planned for bbq food with nad and huiqi. haha not as easy as it seems!! but fun!! :))) then had a group-up with mr sebastian hiew. DAMNNNN cool :))) attention was on me, nad and huiqi hitting MM. pack with activities!! gogogo!! :)))
OH AND SO MALU! TODAY WAS IN THE LIFT WITH MISS CHELSY AND BOSS AND I SAID "MISS CHELSY HAO!" AND MISS CHELSY WAS LIKE !!!!! THEN SHE SAID "LET ME INTRO. THIS IS LAO3 BAN3" OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK. I DIDNT RECOGNISE BOSS! OMG =XXX then after we walked out of the lift miss chelsy nudged me and was like "want die ah! dont recognise lao3 ban3!!" OMG DAMN MALUUUUUUUUUUU =xxxxxxxx
but today was a fun day :)))
i told of my glory at 11:24 pm
Monday, 4 February 2008
BOO! today was a day that was.. REALLY PACKED =x
1. went to school and came back after pledge taking cos joey ponned school and i was feeling bored.
2. went to tuition centre then found out that it wasnt open yet.
3. went for lunch and xianqing msged me that she was reaching.
4. went to get single MT from her at j8.
5. went home and slept for 2 hours =x
6. woke up and chiong-ed to tuition centre to pay fees and went to tn to collect paycheque.
7. went home and chiong-ed out to go to office.
8. was at paya lebar when i realised i forgot to take the single MT.
9. cabbed home and took the cab of some old shitsxz who drove the cab damn slowly.
10. RAN home and took the single MT, wanted to take a cab but there wasnt ANY.
11. took 53 and alighted, waited for cab while waiting for 24.
12. in the end STILL NO CAB and took 24.
13. half ran to office.
14. was waiting at the lift lobby when the lift opened and mr nick and mr calvin were in it. omg unglam cos they saw me in shorts and slippers. lol! =x
15. went down and crapped a little with jac and huiqi.
16. chiong-ed back to school for THE ONE 2008.
17. had a late late dinner with nic, zijie and heidi.
end of day tally:
total bus rides= 14.
total sms sent= 71.
with a hp with flat batt.
UNGLAM, TIRED, HOARSE.
i told of my glory at 11:45 pm
i wanna brother like you yea! xDDD
but im still dying! omg. cough till no voice le!
i told of my glory at 1:24 am
Sunday, 3 February 2008
BOO! today was grouping for house of red. from 3 plus till 5 plus gonna 6 sia. lol. celebrated mr jeremy hit car, mr justyn, mr dominic, another mr jeremy, etc etc hit MM. *envious. seeing them go up to receive blazer. ok SOLID! NEXT MONTH MY TURN! and my beloved downline also okay! then we share MMF xDDD YAYYY. lol. oh well. :)))
had a talk with mr mengwee today. and i asked him about recruitment. he taught me and huiqi, and i realised it's entirely different from what we know. oh well. combine methods and invent my own unique style! LOL.
huiqi can make me laugh till i want to die when she once in awhile says something stupid like "i like the _____" AHEM. oh well. goh huiqi you yourself know what you said! :)))
and you you you, darn it making things uncomfortable for me. MENTALLY!
i told of my glory at 11:02 pm
Saturday, 2 February 2008
BOO.
fraught with tears and nothing but fears. this is what i'd use to describe my current state and this part of my journey in VE.
it's no one else's fault but mine.
i cant do recruitment.
i cant do a proper PP.
i wasted many market listings.
and i still cant do emotions management.
im not taking the initiative to learn. but i dont know what's holding me back.
im really feeling the upcoming storm. somehow i need a pillar of support to live through this.
and zijie just brightened up my day with plans for a new band to be formed :)))
and i know you will be that pillar, cos you said so.
it's just trust. but can we stop being discreet? even just a hi?
i told of my glory at 9:09 pm
Friday, 1 February 2008
BOO! today was fun :)))
had reunion dinner with house! house of red! house! house of red! house! house of red! one more time you go! LOL. we went to GEYLANG. lol. the da chang jin shop. wahhh. damn funny lah. the whole meal was laughter and miss lois' WEIRD recipes. for example, cooking tang hoon with egg, sausage, prawns, chilli, taiwan sausage and mushrooms in the BBQ PAN. omg man =x and it was an overload of sausages!
this is the beginning product.
and this was the end product.
like you know, OH MY GAWD- that was like, URRGHH!! but surprisingly, hey, the tang hoon and egg tasted nice! SCRAMBLED CHILLI EGGS!! damn nice lah! and miss lois was SUPER proud of herself xDDD miss chelsy came and "eeyoh look like shit!", mr steven saw and DIDNT want to try, longjun was forced to eat abit to pledge his faith to red falcon, and mr kit ate a sausage, ate the egg, ate the tang hoon! LOL. MR KIT STYLO LAH. lol. damn funny. mr shun jie was like "your team take the longest to eat. everyone finish already you all still eating" HAHAHAHA :))) cos we took alot of time preparing the omelette! but still failed lah, so we ended up with scrambled eggs each time. LOL. miss lois, huiqi, jinghui, keith and joel, and i were at one table. ha. mr mengwee was with the mako people. sian. lol. incomplete red falcon. NEVER MIND. lollll.
then when huiqi and i went out for a breather, mr steven came and talked to us lo. ren shi dong wu de fen chang. and it really makes alot of sense! :))) and shi ba bu shi cheng gong zhi mu, chang shi cai shi cheng gong zhi mu! :))) and yea, someday im gonna find mr steven for a talk on recruitment!! SOON! I NEED TO LEARN RECRUITMENT THE PROPER WAYYYYY!!! GRR!
and so they go speedy le, oh well. wanted to go with them, but ahhh. kind of no mood to go lei. stupid amw say sure thrash me. that time someone told me before he damn noob lei. HA. oh well. never mind. STILL GOT NEXT TIME ONE!
FIGHT!
whered you go, i miss you so.. and the observant one was there looking..
i told of my glory at 11:14 pm